(thunder crashing) ♪ One day the devil came to him ♪ ♪ For he was a minor demon ♪ Asked him to torture some humans ♪ ♪ With his two friends in tow ♪ Mittens and El Sapo ♪ The Baron Mondo Von Doren ♪ On Nightmare Theatre - Now, see there was this guy named Speed and he was a racecar driver, so they called him Speed Racer.

I mean, I guess if he'd have been a barber, he would've been named Speed Barber.

I don't know.

He traveled all over the world with his monkey, Chim-Chim and his girlfriend, Trixie, as he raced in his powerful car, The Mach 5.

Now, most of the time he competed against Racer X, who, get this, was his brother, but Speed didn't know Racer X was his brother.

I mean they kept that one storyline going for like 50 episodes.

A "mystery"!

Just sheer gen-- oh, nevermind, we're on.

Hello, and welcome once again to Nightmare Theatre.

I am, as always, your host, the Baron Mondo Von Doren.

And here with me is Mittens the Werewolf, and we were discussing one of the fastest characters in all of animation as we wait for the slowest, least animated character of all time, El Sapo De Tempesto, to arrive with tonight's movie.

He really really should be here by now.

- Hey, boss.

Hey, Mittens.

Let me ask you this, fellas.

How is it going today?

- Well, things were good until about five seconds ago.

Where have you been?

- Well, you see, I was makin' my rounds down at the lard factory-- - You know what?

I don't wanna hear the end of what I'm sure is a fabulous story.

I'm certain it's a tale of mystery and intrigue, culminating in great adventure, but I don't care.

All I wanna know is, do you have a movie?

- I do not.

You see, I fell into this big vat of lard and I was unable to find one.

I was stuck pretty good and it was pulling me down, but at the last minute, my friend, the Wizard, pulled me to safety.

I saw this here film can stuck in the lard and I was able to grab it at the last minute.

Now, I'm not sure what's on it, but can you show it while I run and get a movie?

(sighing) - Yeah, this is disgusting.

I mean, you could've at least wiped the lard off of it.

Well, folks, once again, we're without a movie.

Adrift and alone with nothing but this film can to save us.

I wonder what it holds.

Could it be our salvation?

Does it contain our demise?

Even money says it's just another chapter of "Radar Men From the Moon."

But, let's find out together.

Sit back and relax as we present something El Sapo fished out of a lard factory here on Nightmare Theatre.

(dramatic orchestral music) (dramatic orchestral music) (suspenseful orchestral music) (gas hissing) (gun firing) - You'd better get her out of here, Mr. Henderson.

- It won't open.

(alarm bell ringing) - We'd better get outta here, that'll bring the cops.

- We can't yet.

(sniffing) Well, I guess that finished him.

Let's get outta here.

- I'm all right now.

- He seems to be coming around all right.

- Somebody took a shot at me from outside.

I'm going to go look for them.

You better stay here with him.

(gun firing) Graber and Daly.

Come on.

- I'll drive.

- Okay.

- [Man] What's the matter?

- Somebody stole my car, I've gotta get to a phone and report.

- [Man] There's a car following us, keep rolling.

(gun firing) - We've got some help.

There's some motor-cops right behind us.

I'm outta shells.

Try to get alongside and I'll use that gas grenade.

- He's catching up with us.

(car crashing) - Try again, that threw me off balance.

(gun firing) (guns firing) - [Joan] I can't see a thing.

- Something's wrong with their car.

Slow down.

(tires screeching) (car crashing) - Get out with your hands up.

- [Officer] We'll handle this.

- Wait a minute officer.

I'm Commando Cody, these men tried to murder us in my laboratory.

- Yeah, well all I know is you stole the police car so I'm taking a whole bunch of ya down to the station.

Come on, get in the car.

All of ya.

- Certainly, officer.

It's a good idea.

(suspenseful orchestral music) - You must have done some fast talking to get out of that.

- No, as soon as I convinced them who I was, everything was all right.

- Did you find out anything from Graber and Daly?

- Not a thing.

They denied they ever used the ray gun or that they have anything to do with the planned invasion from the moon.

- But you can testify that you've seen him using the ray gun.

- I could but I'm not going to.

- What?

- My testimony could convict them but what good would it do?

They're just hired thugs, and whoever's boss of the show could easily hire someone else to operate their ray guns.

- But it's ridiculous to turn those murders loose.

- I know it looks that way but it's the only way to locate their headquarters and perhaps smash the whole gang.

- How do you figure that?

- Well, I've instructed the police to release them and trail them until they leave town, then they'll radio me and I'll take over.

(dramatic orchestral music) - I still can't figure out how we got out of that so easy.

- Yeah, did seem kind of phony.

- There's a car back there and it might be tailing us.

- Do we run for it?

- Not yet.

Take it easy till we make sure he's after us.

- [Officer] Calling Commando Cody, calling commando Cody.

- This is Commando Cody, come in.

- [Officer] Our men are headed out of town on highway number 19.

They're driving at a moderate rate of speed.

They should pass the city limits in about five minutes.

- I'll get out there right away.

- Well, I hope it works.

- Good luck.

- You sure you won't need me?

- No, Ted, but thanks anyway.

(dramatic orchestral music) (suspenseful orchestral music) - That car turned off, so I guess it wasn't following us.

- Head for the cave.

- Right.

(suspenseful orchestral music) - I can't understand why they let you off so easy but it's very fortunate you came back when you did.

Retik has arrived.

He came down in his personal rocket ship.

He landed it in the cave in the east side of the old Mount Henry mine.

I just spoke to him by radio.

He wants us to arrange for four more trucks and eight men to operate the ray guns he brought with him.

- [Man] Okay, we'll go to town and get 'em.

- Keep those hands higher.

(intense orchestral music) (explosion booming) (electricity crackling) (screaming) (gun firing) (electricity crackling) (dramatic orchestral music) - Well, hello, and welcome back to Nightmare Theatre.

Another episode in the unending, unyielding juggernaut wall of misery and depression that is "Radar Men From the Moon."

Speaking of juggernaut walls, I wonder where El Sapo is.

He's gotta have a movie at some-- - Hey, Boss.

Hey, Mittens.

Say, were you fellas talkin' about "Radar Men?"

- Yeah, we have to.

You couldn't find a movie, so we had to show it.

This is 100% your fault.

These poor people have been subjected to a plague called "Radar Men From the Moon" and you made it happen.

You let this stinking evil genie out of the bottle and now we're all payin' the price!

- I know, I know.

It's my fault, but hey, what if I could tell you guys that there were actually some good things about this serial?

- How would you know?

- You know that weird that lives down a few levels, the guy with the funny haircut?

He told some things about it.

- I defy you to tell me one good thing about it.

- Okay, let me try.

Here goes.

The guy playing Cody actually got punched in the face once while filming this thing, an actual punch in the face.

- Really?

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

See, just like around here, the budget was very very tight.

- That's true.

- So tight they couldn't afford a stunt double most of the time.

George Wallace, he was the guy that was playing Cody, had his nose broken by accident while filming a fight scene with Clayton Moore.

You know, just like that time you accidentally punched me in the face four times when we were changing out the garbage disposal in sector 6B.

- I mean, to be fair, that was no accident, Sapo, but it is good trivia.

Clayton Moore is now my personal hero.

So, there's at least one small island of joy, one beacon of hope and happiness in this otherwise horrible serial.

Wait a minute, weren't you building some sort of rocketman suit?

- I don't have any recollection of that.

- No, no, I swear you were.

I remember now.

- I don't remember that.

- You were building that crazy rocketman getup.

- Well, it didn't work out quite the way I planned.

- I had the drone record it.

I was toying with you the whole time.

Let's take a look at this video, folks.

(machine whirring) (screaming) (explosion booming) (dog barking) (laughing) I mean, that was great!

That was really great.

- It could've gone better I admit.

- That crash and the story about the guy getting punched have made my day, so there is some good in this thing.

- You see, exactly.

That's what I'm talking about.

We can always find some good if we just look hard enough.

- I could use the Center for Disease Control's best microscope and I still wouldn't be able to find any good in you.

To prove it, I'm gonna ask you a question.

Did you find a good movie for tonight?

- You know what, I think I did.

Boss, Mittens, what is the world's most dangerous, deadly lizard?

- I've got no idea and once more I don't care.

Do you have a movie or are we gonna play quiz games all day?

- I have a movie.

- A good one?

- Well, it is a movie.

(sighing) - Oh no.

"The Giant Gila Monster"?

- Not bad, huh, boss?

- Oh, this is bad, this is really bad.

Mittens, sound the alarm and prepare the barricades.

We are showing one of the worst movies ever made.

This is the type of movie that brings down governments and causes societies to collapse.

Anarchy is finally upon us.

Things are just gonna fall apart.

The center is not gonna hold.

We're doomed!

Okay, okay, let me calm myself down, folks.

Let me take a deep breath here and just get myself together.

We're gonna start the film.

If you watch it, I beg you, don't blame me.

I had nothing to do with this.

I've done my best to warn you.

So, sit back, relax, and try, in vain, to enjoy "The Giant Gila Monster" here on Nightmare Theatre.

(static hissing) (dramatic orchestral music) - [Narrator] In the enormity of the West, there are still vast and virtually unexplored regions, bleak and desolate, where no human ever goes and no light is ever seen.

It is as though the land had been posted by God.

It is in these lonely areas of impenetrable forest and dark shadows that the Gila monster still lives.

How large the dreaded Gila monster grows no man can say.

(upbeat jazz music) (roaring) (gasping) (screaming) (car crashing) (roaring) (suspenseful orchestral music) (upbeat jazz music) (laughing) - Say, here comes Gordy and Jenny.

- Hey, gang.

(all chattering) - Spook'll be charging you with an entertainment plan.

(laughing) Hi, Spook.

- Hi, Kev.

- [Man] Hey, uh, how are the new pipes on the bomb?

(all chattering) - Where's Pat and Liz?

I thought we'd be the last ones here.

- They're probably out spooking around somewhere.

- Maybe they broke down.

- Not in his heap.

I worked on it myself.

(all chattering) - That wouldn't make any difference if he goofed a speed shift or something.

- Yeah, that squirrel is just the one that could do it.

(all chattering) - Oh, Mom is here.

- What kept you so long, Lisa?

- Oh, Mr. Wheeler smoked two cigars at the table after dinner, and I couldn't get at the dishes until he was through.

- What time did Pat leave?

- Pat did not come home for dinner.

That's why his father was so upset.

(car approaching) - There's old man Harris.

- Man, that fella has a jewel of a car.

- Well, luck, man.

(laughing) (humming) (whistling) - Hey.

- Oh, hi, Mr. Harris.

- Hi.

How are you young'uns?

- You want to sell that Deuce?

- Why are you fellows always after me to buy my car?

- That '32 is the ideal stock to convert to a bomb.

- Buying a car, son, is just like getting married or going to New York City.

Everybody ought to do it once, but nobody ought to do it twice.

(laughing) - Hey, I can get you a good price on that.

- Paid $695 for that car 26 years ago.

10 years ago, wasn't worth a dime.

Last month, I turned down 100 for it.

When it gets back up to 695 again, I'll sell it.

(laughing) (all chattering) Hey, Spook.

Uh, give me a snort of that there soda pop.

(laughing) - Hey, gang, you know, this'll be Lisa's first trip to a drive-in?

- Oh, we have drive-ins in France, too.

- Yeah?

- Yes.

I went twice with my brother on his motor scooter.

(laughing) - Her brother-- - [Man] On a motor scooter!

Now that's my idea of absolutely nothing to do.

- Yeah, okay.

- Don't be too late.

We're gonna pull on out.

- Hey, Chase.

If the roads clear, I'll drag you to Bartinell's corner.

- Oh, I can't.

I'm driving barefoot.

- [Man] You still running on that old rubber?

- Yeah.

Hey, Spook?

When Pat and Liz get here, will you tell them that we went to the drive-in, inform them to catch up?

Thank you.

- We sure will.

- And I'll give you 150 bucks.

- You're talking like my foot's asleep.

Who's he think he's playing with, kids?

(laughing) (birds chirping) - Sheriff?

- What's the trouble, Mr. Wheeler?

- Pat didn't come home last night.

- He didn't?

- No.

Evidently, he was out with Liz Humphrey.

She didn't come home, either.

- Oh?

- I want you to find out why.

And don't leave a stone unturned in doing so.

Do I make myself clear?

- I understand, Mr. Wheeler.

There weren't any wrecks reported last night.

Your son Pat is about 19, isn't he?

- That's right.

- Just a year older than I was when I got married.

- You think they eloped?

He wouldn't dare.

- I didn't say that.

But if they were out together all night, you better hope they have.

- This is a missing persons report, and I want to know what you're going to do about it!

- Well, I'll send in an APB on both of them and the car.

I don't think it'll do much good.

If they went off to get married, they'd already be across the state line.

- Why, if he got married, I'll wring his neck.

If you ask me, it's that Chase Winstead.

He's older than the others.

Sets them all wrong.

Why, he's got more influence on Pat than I have.

- Chase Winstead does more about keeping them in line than getting them in trouble, and I know.

He's supported his mother and sister ever since his dad died on one of your drill rigs.

Your son could take a page out of his book, Mr. Wheeler.

- When I get through with my son, he won't have a book left.

Now, you locate him, or I'll have your job.

- If you want to be the only peace officer in 10,000 square miles and 1,000 miles of road, you're welcome to it.

I'll do everything I can to locate both of them, Mr. Wheeler.

(birds chirping) - Hi, Sheriff.

- [Sheriff] Hi.

- Got a new set of wheels.

- Yeah, new to me.

That clunker I had, I'd be chasing you boys on a bicycle in a couple of days.

- Oh, come on, Sheriff.

Outside of Pat Wheeler, we haven't had a ticket in our gang in eight months.

- Oh, I was just kidding.

- What's the mileage on it?

- Oh, about 35,000.

County bought it from the state.

Those lucky stiffs on Highway get a new car every year.

- Let me have it for a couple of days, and I'll tune it up for you.

- Oh, you'd choke it off so I could never catch you!

- You couldn't catch that deuce of mine right now!

Now, let me have that patrol car.

I'll turn it into a slingshot that'll catch anybody.

- We'll make a deal.

Hey.

Just between us, Liz Humphrey and Pat Wheeler didn't get home last night.

- Uh-oh.

They were supposed to meet us at the drive-in, but they didn't show up.

We wondered what happened.

- Were they in any kind of trouble?

- What do you mean?

- You know.

- Oh.

No, I don't think so.

- Chase, level with me.

- I'm almost positive they weren't in any trouble.

I'd know.

- You think they might have run off to get married?

- Well, they've been going steady for over a year now.

And I know they talked about it, but no.

Not like for right now.

- Did Pat have any money stashed?

- Yeah.

Some.

- Like how much?

- Well, he was talking about getting a new blower, and a mill.

That's about 500 bucks.

- Where did he get that kind of money?

- He saved it.

His old man gives him a good allowance when he's not mad at him.

- What bank does he use?

- None.

He was afraid his dad would find out.

- He could have been saving it to get married, couldn't he?

- It's his money.

I guess he can do whatever he wants with it.

But, you know, if he eloped, his old man would put him down flat.

- I know.

But Pat's smart enough to provide for himself until the old man cooled off.

(sighing) - Pat's the only one of the gang I couldn't slow down.

Did you check the hospitals?

- Yeah.

Where could I find the rest of the gang?

- Well, I don't know about Bob and Gordy, but Chuck and Rex went over to Easton.

They wanted to check with the wheel cats about next Saturday night's platter party.

- Next Saturday night?

- Yeah.

- You warn the gang I'll be cruising that pass that night.

No dragging.

- Okay, I'll tell them.

- You get any postcards from those two, let me know.

(birds chirping) - Hi, Sheriff.

- Hiya, Keller.

(knocking) Howdy, Ed.

- Hello, Sheriff.

- I don't have any word for you, Ms. Humphreys.

- She's a good girl, Sheriff.

I ain't worried.

- How come you drove around the truck all night, then?

- You don't think she might have eloped, do you?

- Could be.

She's pretty closed mouthed about her affairs.

- More the likes of Wheeler.

Ain't marrying our kind of folks.

- You don't have a phone, so I just dropped around to let you know I'm doing everything I can.

- We know that, Sheriff, and we sure do appreciate it.

- Sorry Elizabeth put you to so much trouble.

- It's never any trouble looking after kids.

- Let me know if I can help, Sheriff.

- Thanks, Ed.

- Thank you, Sheriff.

- Good bye.

- We've gotta quit worrying this way.

We've gotta trust the Lord.

We've gotta pray.

- Howard.

- Morning, Sheriff.

- Let me smell your breath.

Okay, go ahead.

- Okay.

(car starting) - Hello and welcome back to Nightmare Theatre.

Was I right?

This is bad.

But let's be calm, let's be rational.

We will make it through this.

- Oh, come on, boss.

It's not as bad as you are making it out to be, ya know.

- Yes, it is.

As you know, tonight's movie is "The Giant Gila Monster."

It was directed by Ray Kellogg in 1959.

- That cornflake clod, Roy Kellogg?

- He's no relation to the fine Kellogg family of Battle Creek, Michigan.

"The Giant Gila Monster" is the kind of movie that punches you in the face and tries to take your lunch money.

It boldly and defiantly looks you in the eye and says, "Yes, I am a bad movie.

"What are you gonna do about it?

"Nothing, that's what!"

You try to walk away but it grabs you and pins your arms behind your back until you say uncle.

And then it just laughs at you.

- Kinda like the way you treat me all the time.

- Yes, but this movie treats the audience worse than I could ever dream of hurting you and I'm quite the dreamer.

- You know, I gotta admit, I didn't think it was gonna be this bad.

- You didn't think at all.

- Well, well, tell me, tell me.

How could something this bad ever get made?

- Well, film scholars disagree.

Some think it was made as propaganda by the Defense Department.

Those theorists say the plan was to drop the film behind the Iron Curtain in order to break the will of everyone who saw it.

Defense planners thought the film would demoralize the Soviet Army and they'd surrender.

Their plan was to crush their spirits.

- It's worked on me so far.

- Bu that's just an urban legend.

Like the rat in the fried chicken bucket or the myth a dessert that tastes great but is also low in calories.

I mean, here's the real deal on how this film got made.

The film was one of two films produced by a lunatic in Texas and meant for a release as a double-feature.

The other feature was "The Killer Shrews."

- Oh no, oh no.

I remember that film.

Somebody thought it would be a good idea to pair that film together with this one, to watch on one night?

- Someone did, El Sapo, someone did.

And news reports claimed the films were actually shown together on the same night in some areas.

Of course, afterwards the Red Cross and grief counselors were dispatched to the affected areas to assist those left in the wake of the two films.

- Dear Lord!

How did films like this get made in the first place?

- Well, Sapo, this film was made by a drive-in theater owner.

- So, hold on, hold on.

A drive-in theater?

- Yes, I know it's a foreign concept.

Folks would drive to a big field and watch a movie on a big screen in the comfort and safety of their own cars.

There were speakers attached to poles and you placed them in your window.

They were actually kinda great.

- Say, that gives me an idea.

- Nope, stop it right there.

I don't wanna hear about you opening a drive-in.

Nothing about Mittens selling tickets or you selling peach oatmeal or whatever in the concession stand.

Just drop it.

We have to talk about this film.

The film was produced by Gordon McLendon.

He wanted to have a second film to go along with the main feature the theater showed.

Folks could then watch the two movies for the price of one.

So, once again, he made this film as a companion to "The Killer Shrews", which he also produced.

- Wasn't he afraid, though, that there would be accidents cause by people racing to get out of the drive-in once the movie started and they saw what they were getting into?

- Hey, at that point, he had their money.

Nothing else mattered after the money went in the till.

So, here's another trivia bit.

The drunken disc jockey in the film, Steamroller Smith, is not an actor.

He was a DJ working at a radio station that McLendon owned.

- Are there any actual actors in this film?

- What do you think?

This whole thing is awful.

And you know what?

I wasn't gonna say it until the end, but here it goes, the giant Gila monster shown in the movie is not even a real Gila monster.

(gasping) It's a Mexican bearded lizard.

- They lied to us!

You can't trust anything these days.

- Oh no, you can't, but let's get back to the film that should've been called "The Giant Mexican Bearded Lizard" here on Nightmare Theatre.

- You know I wrestled a guy named The Bearded Lizard at the National Guard Armory in Boutwell, Alabama in 1973.

- I hope he beat the heck out of you.

Let's just get back to the film, folks.

(crickets chirping) - Hi, Chase.

- Hi.

- Did you get that diesel tractor fixed?

- Yeah, she's all set.

- Good.

My boy, that's one trip I'm glad I don't have to make very often.

- This stuff heavy?

I'll help you unload.

- No, not heavy.

But it's hot.

Wheeler sank another oil well, and he's sprayed the fire when he comes in.

That's four quarts of nitroglycerin out there in that cab.

(whistling) He wants us to keep it out back in the storehouse.

- You know, last winter, when number 21 came in, I made $100 with that stuff.

Dad showed me how to use it.

Not so bad, long as it doesn't get nervous.

- Well, I'm sorry I was late getting back.

But with that cargo, I was afraid to do over five miles an hour.

- Well, it's not so dangerous, as long as it's in a nitro case.

- But I took these out of the case.

- Holy smoke!

You're lucky to be standing here talking about it!

I'll put it in the shed!

- Much action this afternoon?

- Uh, Sheriff got a new patrol car.

We'll get a tune-up job out of that.

- Was that nitro safe out there?

- Well, if it decides to blow, it's not safe anywhere.

(phone ringing) I'll get it.

- That's not our ring.

- No, it's the sheriff's.

If there's been a wreck, I get a tow job out of it.

I also have a deal with the ambulances if someone's hurt.

(chuckling) - You work all the angles, don't you, Chase?

- Mr. Compton, I have to.

- [Man] Hello, sheriff?

- [Sheriff] Yes.

- [Man] About 12 miles out beyond the red schoolhouse, a car's run into the ditch.

Yeah, it's a pretty bad wreck.

- [Sheriff] What kind of a car?

- [Man] Well, it's a Sedan.

A Pontiac, I believe.

Someone could have been hurt pretty bad.

Maybe you should get out there pretty quick.

- [Sheriff] Did you stop and investigate?

- There's been a wreck 12 miles out of town.

Where's the wrecker?

- Home.

I used the A frame to build a doggone rock garden.

Look, you take your car and keep the city wreckers off.

I'll get our wrecker and follow you.

(siren wailing) - I wondered who was on that party line a while ago.

- It costs me to get on that line with you.

I figured since it was on your call station anyway, you wouldn't care.

- Yeah.

There's a pretty good one.

- Yeah.

- [Sheriff] This engine's still warm.

- Say, did you see the skid marks out here?

They go at a direct right angle to the direction of travel.

(suspenseful orchestral music) - Yeah.

No digs in the macadam, either.

Somebody was hurt in here.

There's blood all over the upholstery.

Let's take a look around.

- I've already looked around.

There's nobody here.

- Real good?

- Yeah, real good.

Well, maybe somebody came by and picked them up.

It could have been the people that called in.

- No, they'd have said something.

- Then why didn't they wait?

- People will go to the trouble to report an accident, but they won't stay around.

Don't want to fill out the reports.

- Well, what do you do now?

- Well, I'll take the license number and the engine number, call headquarters.

Maybe they've got a line on them.

Chase?

How are your headlights?

- Fine.

Just fine.

- Both of them burning?

How many times have I warned you about getting that headlamp fixed?

- Twice.

But the first time, it was just a suggestion.

- Sealed beam only costs $4.

- Well, I've had some unexpected expenses.

- Oh?

Missy?

- Yeah.

The doctor said she'll be able to start walking again pretty soon, and it took all the money I had to make a part down payment on her braces.

- You know, I think this is a complete washout.

You probably got a screwdriver.

I don't think the insurance company will miss one of those headlamps.

(ominous orchestral music) (hissing) (hissing) (hissing) (roaring) (screaming) - Well, I got the whole story.

Car was stolen out of state, and the plates were stolen in state.

So whoever stole it had beat it, hurt or not, as long as they could navigate.

- Well, is there anything else I can do here, Sheriff?

If not, I'll get this on back to the garage.

- No, go ahead.

Chase, will you give me a hand?

I want to take some pictures of those skid marks.

You stand by them for scale.

- Sure.

Glad to, Sheriff.

- Good.

(suspenseful orchestral music) Trouble, Chase?

- I don't know, Sheriff.

Take a look.

It was just sitting here.

- Probably fell off of a car.

- No scratches on it.

- Well, maybe it landed in a bush.

- No.

As thin as that imitation leather is, even a bush would take some of it off.

- Was it just like that when you found it?

- Yeah, straight up.

- Probably belonged to some hitchhiker.

Or it might have belonged to the fellow that stole that car and wrecked it.

Uh, say, look at this.

(suspenseful orchestral music) Half a pack of cigarettes, one unlit.

That suitcase don't belong to any car thief.

He was around here too long.

I'll take it in.

- I'll put it in the car for you.

- Somebody will be around to claim it.

See you later, son.

- Bye, Sheriff.

(hissing) (whistling) (light orchestral music) Hey.

What's with the code bit?

I got your phone call.

- When I was serving dinner to Mr. Wheeler, he became very angry.

He said if I saw you again, he would have me sent back to France.

- He can't do that.

- Oh, yes, he can.

He's my sponsor.

He put up the bomb.

- That was to guarantee that you wouldn't become a ward of the state.

Now, we don't have to worry about that.

You know how to speak English well enough to get a job anywhere.

- He said it's immoral for me to go out with you.

What's immoral about it?

- Nothing.

- I don't want to go away, Chase.

- You won't have to, honey.

- He thinks it's your fault that Pat ran away.

- Well, he can think whatever he wants to think.

He shouldn't take it out on you.

But we hadn't better take any chances.

You go back inside.

And look.

Don't worry.

Everything's gonna be okay.

(tires screeching) (tires screeching) - You all right?

- All right?

Dad, I'm superb.

Seven to a box, no corners.

I'm a round, how.

- Sorry I asked, Mr., uh.

- Smith.

Horatio Alger Smith.

- Sorry I asked that, too.

How'd you get in the ditch?

You fall asleep?

- Oh, no, no, no.

There was, there was this big pink and black thing crawled right in front of me.

It had stripes this wide.

- Sure, sure.

Look, you come up and sit in my truck, and I'll get your car out.

- Okay, that sounds like a good deal.

Who knows?

Maybe we can-- (car starting) - Hey, man!

You can't drive this car!

Fender's cutting the wheel!

- Sure I can.

The motor works, see?

Well, thanks for everything, Dad.

You're a cotton picking friend.

(engine revving) - Okay, just a second.

I'll get out of the way.

(car horn honking) - What is it?

- Move over, Dad.

I want to pass.

(car horn honking) - What is it now?

- I think you'd better give me a tow, Dad.

Steering wheel won't work.

- Okay.

You take a nap.

♪ My baby she rocks and rolls ♪ And rocks whenever she wants ♪ My baby she rocks and rolls ♪ And rocks whenever she wants ♪ My baby's a rock and rollin' ♪ Tippy-Toein', never-knowin, always glowin' baby ♪ ♪ My baby she swings, sings ♪ And swings whenever I bring her things ♪ ♪ She swings and sings ♪ And swings for little diamond rings ♪ ♪ Swingin', singin', bells are ringin' ♪ ♪ Happy playin, pleasure-bringin' baby ♪ ♪ My baby she rocks and rolls ♪ And rocks whenever she wants ♪ My baby she swings and sings ♪ And swings whenever I bring her things ♪ ♪ A rock and rollin', tippy-toein', ever-knowin' ♪ ♪ Always glowin, swingin', singin, ♪ ♪ Bells are ringin', happy playing ♪ ♪ Pleasure-Bringin' baby Good afternoon, Mr. Smith.

- My friend, guys have had their heads chopped off for less than that.

- For what?

- For feeling so doggone good when I feel so bad.

How'd I get here, anyway?

- I towed you in this morning, remember?

- Matter of fact, I remember very, very little.

- You said somebody ran you into the ditch, but I didn't see any other cars.

- How'd you ever get me in that bed, anyway?

- I carried you in there, and I sat on you until you fell asleep.

- That must have been quite a chore.

- You wouldn't have gotten very far in your condition.

- Look, I really appreciate it, um-- - Chase Winstead.

- Chase.

And I, uh, my golly, how much I owe you?

- Well, I bent the fender out from the wheel.

Want me to fill it in and touch it up for you?

- No, I don't think so.

I'll get that done when I get back to the city.

- Here, have some coffee.

- Oh, great.

- How about two bucks?

- Man, this coffee's worth two bucks all by itself.

How about the tow?

- No, I was coming this way anyway.

I missed out on a little studying time.

Make it three bucks?

- Dad, you go to school?

- Sort of.

I take a correspondence course in engineering.

- Well, look.

I really feel indebted to you, and I'd like to do something to pay you back.

Now, next time you're into town, here's my card, look me up, will you?

- All right, will do.

- Okay.

Oh, and by the way, buy yourself a sponge rubber hammer, man.

- All right, I will.

- I'll see you, Chase.

- Thank you.

Steamroller Smith?

The disc jockey?

Mr. Smith!

Two $20s!

How about that?

- Hello and welcome back to Nightmare Theatre.

I'm not gonna bother recapping the action.

Seeing it once was enough.

And I don't intend to relive it by recapping it.

Instead, I'm gonna do a public service announcement.

As you folks know, I'm an expert on bad movies.

I know how to spot them, and more importantly, how to prevent them.

I'm gonna take a moment to educate and inform.

- Educate and inform me?

- That's not possible.

No, I would like to say something to the aspiring writers and filmmakers out there.

In fact, I'd like to address this to any of you in the craft of writing.

Earlier, we saw a scene which featured nitroglycerine or nitro for short.

Nitro is a deadly explosive.

- Yes, and when you find that you need nitro, please consider Von Doren Brand Nitro.

56% less safe than the leading brand at only twice the cost.

- Put that away.

That's not where we're going with this.

Folks, when I saw the nitro in the film, I was really hoping it would blow up and kill them all right then and there, but it didn't.

- That would've made for a short movie if it had, boss.

- And that would've been just fine.

We could've all gone to bed early.

- I certainly know I need my 18 hours of sleep every night.

- Sure, yeah.

The point is, Sapo, we all know those explosives are just sitting there and they haven't exploded yet.

There was several times when the explosion would've seemed like a gift from the gods, like when that guy was singing.

That was the time to blow up the building!

- Amen!

Why do you suppose they showed all those explosives?

Do you think they will ever explode?

I certainly hope so.

All movies should end with big explosions and skies full of smoke in heavenly glory.

Why show the explosives if they aren't going to be used.

- Well, Sapo, that's sort of what I'd like to talk about tonight.

How to write a good script.

How to avoid making a bad movie.

See, in fine drama, there's a concept call Chekhov's Gun.

- Chekhov being the guy from "Star Wars."

- No, I mean the playwright, Anton Chekhov.

Basically, the concept holds that every element in the story must be there for a reason.

Essentially, he means stories should not have meaningless items.

Everything must serve a purpose.

He wrote a letter to a friend once about how to write a good play.

In it, he wrote, "If in the first act "you have a hung up pistol on the wall, "then in the following act, it should be fired, "otherwise, don't put it there."

- So I am guessing everything we've seen in this story has a purpose.

Like the French girl.

Maybe the Gila monster speaks French and she can talk him out of eating everyone.

Gotta be a reason they made her French, right, boss?

- Nope.

Being French has absolutely nothing to do with the story.

The girl could've just as easily been from Ireland or even Brazil.

Her nationality is irrelevant.

It's meaningless to the story.

- I think 90% of what we've seen so far is meaningless to the story.

You know, I'm starting to think this Ray Kellogg character didn't know much about Chekhov's Gun.

- Neither did you two minutes ago, but that's a safe assumption.

Ray Kellogg didn't know much about anything.

- But are we ever going to see that nitro again.

If I had my way, it would blow the whole town off the map!

- We just might, El Sapo.

But again, I'm not commenting on the movie right now.

I am reaching out to young writers.

We want to avoid movies like this in the future.

We want to keep future generations safe from horrors like this movie.

For starters, make sure whatever you put in your story is important.

In fact, if nothing else, aspiring writers, should watch this film, this particular film, in order to know what not to do.

Maybe, just maybe, if someone like me had reached out to Ray Kellogg, this movie wouldn't be as bad as it is.

- I'm still holding out hope the French girl, the old drunk, the girl in the leg braces, and the nitro are gonna combine for a happy ending.

It would make me very happy to see old man Harris save the day!

- You're gonna be one sad man at the end of this movie, El Sapo.

One sad man, indeed.

We're all gonna be sad and broken at the end of this thing.

So, let's just get back to the movie, folks.

It's almost over.

- And if it isn't, we have this.

I'll throw it on the ground, and boom, "Dog Day Afternoon"!

We'll all go out in a blaze of glory!

- Put that away!

Just get back to the movie.

I know it's terrible, but we're almost done.

- I'm gonna hold onto this just in case, folks.

- Sheriff?

- Howdy, son.

Have you heard anything from Pat and Liz?

- No, nothing.

- Chase, I'm in a jam and I need your help.

Wheeler swings a big enough stick in this country to make it rough, and he's doing it.

Oh, I can understand his concern about Pat, but I just don't have a big enough force to comb this area inch by inch.

- Is he demanding that?

- There was a man killed in a wreck in a small canyon in a big city last year, and it took them 19 days to find him.

I don't know what they expect of me.

- Yeah, I remember that.

Well, look, Sheriff, maybe I can get tomorrow off, and I'll get the gang, and we can go out and search that pass.

At least you can put that in your report.

- I was hoping you'd say that.

I can start at the upper end and work towards you.

Uh, can I have your help in another matter?

- Sure.

What?

- You remember how those skid marks just went at right angles to the direction the car was traveling?

- That's right.

They did.

- Headquarters think I'm nuts.

- Well then they're nuts!

Didn't, didn't you send them that picture?

- Well, I'm not the world's greatest photographer.

Pictures didn't come out.

Can't see the skid marks on the black top.

- Well, that's what happened.

I even wiped up the rubber dust with my fingers.

- You might have to sign a statement to that effect for me.

- You've got it.

Look, you can even see the bald spots on the tires where they went sideways ac-- - Yeah, that's the spot, all right.

But there's another thing that puzzled me.

- Yeah, what?

- How those tires got off of that car and almost on yours.

- Well, look, on, on this wreck, they'd rot.

And on my, on my rod, they could prevent a blowout.

Maybe even an accident.

- Well, take good care of them, in case the owner shows up.

- Right.

- See you tomorrow.

- Right - Let's call it a day.

We've covered half the roads in this county.

- Yeah.

- How about that ravine?

That runs along here for about eight miles.

We'll start from here, and you come from the other end.

- All right.

- Right.

(suspenseful orchestral music) (hissing) (hissing) (hissing) Sure is beat down around here.

Look at that.

- What is it, Chase?

- Looks like an animal of some sort drug something along here.

- You mean a wild animal here?

- Sure.

Could be anything, even a mountain lion.

Come on.

(hissing) (hissing) Thirsty?

- Yes, but haven't we gone far enough, Chase?

(hissing) - Ew, that's bitter.

Must have an awful lot of mineral in it.

- Come on, let's go.

- Wait a minute.

Let's take a breather first.

- Chase, I, I don't like this place.

Let's go back.

- Are you afraid?

Now, you come on over here with me.

We'll sit in the shade.

(hissing) (car horn honking) That's Gordon!

He's found something!

Come on, let's go!

(car horn honking) - It's Pat's car at the bottom of the wash, two or three miles back by the old reservoir.

- Were they in it?

- No, nothing.

- Uh, drive me back to my car and I'll bring up the wrecker.

- [Woman] See you later.

- Where did you find it?

- By the reservoir, in William's Wash.

They weren't in it.

No sign of blood or anything.

You know, I think they were thrown clear.

- Did you search the area?

- Yeah, Gordy went down the ravine for about a mile, and we looked beyond the wreck for a couple of hundred yards.

Wouldn't you say, Gordy?

- At least that far.

- Did you see any footprints?

- No, none.

- This thing's been around just about the same as that sedan.

Like it had been hit with a 10 ton rubber mallet.

- It's a pretty rough trip down that cliff.

That could have done it.

- Yeah.

I'll have to go over that area with a rake.

- You know, I've been thinking.

If, if Liz and Pat had eloped, they wouldn't have taken his car, because old man Wheeler would have it traced right off.

- Why, why maybe he stored it, Chase, and then it was stolen.

- Yeah, if it was stolen, and somebody had parked it there, well, the brakes could have faded and it rolled off the edge.

- It would be a strange coincidence if they came back to this part of the county.

Possibility makes some sense, though.

I'll get my gear and dust for fingerprints.

Gosh, I wish you boys had called me before you drug it out.

I might have found some clues that would help us out.

- I'm sorry, Sheriff.

- The hard part's telling Mr. Wheeler.

I sure dread that.

- It's not like we found them there.

- He's sure gonna raise Ned because I didn't find this wreck sooner.

Where's Mr. Compton?

- Oh, he we went down to the field with a load of fuel oil.

Back in two or three hours.

I'm going to close up.

- I'll see you later.

(whistling) (hissing) (screaming) (explosion booming) (hissing) (suspenseful orchestral music) - Hello and welcome back to Nightmare Theatre.

We hope you're enjoying tonight's film, somehow.

Stranger things have happened I guess.

Um, excuse me, Fonzie.

What are you doing in that ridiculous getup?

- You know, I like some of the guys in this movie, so Mittens and I have formed a car club, boss.

We call ourselves The Lazy Layabouts.

We don't follow society's rules, man.

We are rebels, we burn rubber.

We lay it all on the line.

We are pipers at the gates of dawn!

Wild hot-rodders, just like the teens in tonight's movie.

- You were literally a teenager when this movie was made.

Aren't you a little too old to form a car club?

Maybe you oughta form a motorized scooter club.

You and Mittens could drag race down the frozen foods aisle until they toss you out of the place.

- Hey, man, hot-rod life is in my blood.

Pedal to the metal, two-lane blacktop, and Thunder Road!

Engines screamin' like banshees, standing on the corner of Winslow, Arizona, goosin' it all up to 45 in a 35 zone.

Life fast, drive fast!

Turn signals and seatbelts are for squares, baby.

We formed a club and we're gonna drag every night.

- I'm gonna drag you behind this building and take a stick to you.

Besides aren't you missing the key ingredient required to start a car club?

- I don't think so.

I mean, we got the clothes, the lingo, and we got a box full ABBA eight-track tapes.

All we need to form a super way-out, rock and roll, hot-rod car club.

- Really?

Okay, I have a question.

Do either of you two own a car?

- Sure, I got '34 wagon, and get this, I call it a Woody.

- That's not true.

That's a line from a Beach Boys song.

I'll ask you again.

Do either of you own a car?

- Well, no, not really.

- Well, hey, stupid.

How can you have a car club without a car?

- How can they make a movie without a director or an actor or even a script?

- All right, I'll admit that's a good point, but you still can't form a teen car club since A, you two are not teens, and B, neither of you have a car.

- Well, we were talkin' and we were sorta hopin' that you would buy us one and we could turn it into a hot-rod.

I could chop it, channel it, bore out the plugs and rotate the tires, and maybe even paint some of them racin' stripes on the side.

You know, folks know you mean business when they see that stuff.

- Nope, no way.

But it's good you brought up hot-rods.

Teenagers and hot-rods were very popular topics in movies in the 1950s.

There were hundreds if not thousands of hot-rod films made.

There was "Running Wild" in 1955, "Hot Rod Girl" in 1956, "Teenage Thunder" in 1957, "Hot Rod Gang" in 1958, and of course this one in 1959.

- And did all those films feature well-meaning young people in hot-rods helping law enforcement solve crimes, while getting into a little mischief on the side?

- Not really.

Hot-rodders were viewed as a public menace.

In most of the movies, the hot-rod gangs were more or less just juvenile delinquents.

- Like me.

- Bingo.

At any rate, teen movies were very popular in the 1950s.

Fast cars and kids were a natural combination and Hollywood capitalized on it.

- So, there really isn't anything new in this movie.

It's just like all the others.

- Pretty much.

- I'd still like to form a car club.

We don't have a car, but you, you have a car.

Maybe Mittens and I could sit in the back seat and you could drive us around.

We could menace the squares from the safety of the backseat!

- You're not gonna befoul my 1978 AMC Pacer.

Sapo, you should stop trying to be something you're not.

If you wanna emulate someone in the movie, why not try to emulate one of the very old guys.

- Like the sheriff.

- You're not the sheriff type.

I was thinking something more like old man Harris.

He's more your speed.

He's hard to understand most of the time.

He appears to do nothing but wander around all day, and he spends a lot of time guzzling sody-pop.

- You know, I bet I could pull this off.

Watchin' this here movie's like gettin' married or going to New York City.

Everybody oughta do it once, but nobody oughta do it twiced.

- Okay, that's good.

Now let's get back to the film.

- Oh, boss.

You're talking to me like my foot's asleep.

- All right, we got it.

That's enough, now let's get back to "The Giant Gila Monster" here on Nightmare Theatre.

- Say, let me have a snort of that there sody-pop.

- That is enough of that!

Let's just get back to the film!

- You know, boss, that hat hooks in it, you know?

- Good.

- [Chase] Hi, Ma.

Sorry I'm late.

- Now, Chase Winstead.

Just a minute.

Not so fast there.

- What for?

(laughing) Did you ever play football?

- With the Green Bay Packers.

- Hike!

- Oh, please, put me down!

- No!

Not until you tell me what's going on!

- All right, if you close your eyes.

- All right.

I don't know what's happening, but they're closed.

- Keep them closed.

- This is silly.

- Now, open them.

(light chiming music) - Look what Lisa got me!

Stay there, Chase.

Watch.

Stay there, Chase.

I can get up.

Stay there.

- That was wonderful, baby!

Just wonderful!

- But I've been practicing all afternoon, ever since Lisa brought the braces over!

And I walked all the way, twice!

I wanted to do it right for you.

- Aww.

Would you like to hear a song?

(ukulele music) ♪ There was a mushroom, sad little mushroom ♪ ♪ And there was a meadow, ready to cry ♪ ♪ There was a sparrow, gray little sparrow ♪ ♪ There was an eagle, silent and high ♪ ♪ And the Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh out loud ♪ And the Lord, he said, I created for you ♪ ♪ A world of joy from out of the blue ♪ ♪ And all that is left to complete the joy ♪ ♪ Just the laugh of a girl and boy ♪ ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ And there was a garden, a beautiful garden ♪ ♪ Held in the arms of a world without joy ♪ ♪ Then there was laughter, wonderful laughter ♪ ♪ For he created a girl and a boy ♪ ♪ And the Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ (light orchestral music) - Laughing's important, isn't it, Chase?

- Oh, it sure is.

And you know, I never felt any more like laughing than I do right now.

I didn't think you'd be able to do that good in a week.

- Didn't you, really?

- Honest.

But you know, you're gonna have to work real hard.

And you mustn't be disappointed.

It takes a long time.

Okay?

- That's enough for one day, Missy.

It's your bedtime.

- Do I have to, Chase?

- You sure do.

Show me how you can walk.

- Good night, Lisa.

- That was a wonderful thing for you to do, Lisa.

- I wanted to.

- Now you're broke, aren't you?

I was gonna pick them up in the morning.

- I know.

When you showed me that money, I was afraid you'd get there first.

- Well, I'm still gonna pay you for it.

(phone ringing) - No.

- Yes.

- No.

- Yes.

Hello?

Yeah, Sheriff.

Well, he should have been back an hour ago.

No.

Where?

That's awful.

No, it couldn't be Mr. Compton.

All right.

I, at the garage?

All right.

I'm leaving now.

- What is it, Chase?

- It's a wreck.

An oil truck.

It could be Mr. Compton.

Honey, I'm awfully sorry, but I've gotta leave.

- Here he comes now, Sheriff.

- Come on.

- Wait a minute, Sheriff.

You've got a sore foot.

- Oh, no.

- We can take my Model A.

She's all shiny and bright.

- No, we'll take my car.

- Come on, Harris.

- Did you see it?

- No, I didn't see it, but I sure heard about it.

- Can I open this thing up?

- Yeah, go ahead.

- [Chase] That's Compton's rig.

- Be careful.

It's pretty hot.

- He's not in it.

- He may have been hurt and crawled away.

Let's look around.

Come on, Harris.

- Okay.

- [Chase] Compton!

Mr. Compton!

- Find anything, Sheriff?

- Let's go over this again.

How did you get into the act?

- I told you once.

- Well, tell me again.

- Well, I was barreling along in my Model A.

She don't look like much now, but she was a beauty when I first got-- - The accident.

- She'll go, though.

Get up to 60.

- The accident.

Just the accident.

- Well, I'll tell you.

- I wish you would.

- This feller seen the headlights coming up the road towards him, and all of a sudden, they come and they're going over and over, and then blooey.

Blooey!

She blew up.

Well, he seen somebody was in a mite of trouble, so he come in the store talking about it.

That's when I opted to call you.

- Did you get the name of the witness?

- No.

- Did he see anything else?

- No.

- You want to wait in the car for us?

- No.

- Well, you're going to anyway.

- Okay, Sheriff, okay.

As you say.

Always obey the law, do this, do that.

(muttering) - Any luck, Chase?

- No, nothing.

- Pat and Liz might have eloped, but Compton ought to be around here.

- Maybe he's in the hospital.

- No.

I checked there before I left my place.

Would Compton have any reason to want to get lost?

- No, none that I can think of.

- You would have no reason to know about this, but there's been a lot of livestock missing lately.

One here, one there.

That doesn't make headlines, but now it's people.

- You think there's a tie-up?

- I don't know.

What we need is a criminal investigator and headquarters won't send one down here.

- Well, maybe they will know.

- Yeah, maybe.

Did you notice those skid marks?

Just like the others, straight across the road.

If he'd been hit by another vehicle, the paint would be knocked off.

What batters a car around like it was a toy?

(thunder crashing) (upbeat rock music) - [El Sapo] So tell me again.

- So, he was like a, I don't know, he was a wizard or something like that, but he lived like a block from the Smurfs but he could never find them.

His cat always got there, but Gargamel-- - Azreal?

- Yeah, Azreal.

- [Both] Whoa.

- Hey, speaking of blue things, welcome back folks.

We're here once again in the sub-sub-sub- sub basement of the television studio with the mysterious Curator, who's brought us another item from the Merrill Movie Museum and I think this one's almost instantly recognizable.

- This is prosthetics used from Mystique in "X-Men: First Class."

So, this is the first of the rebooted X-Men film series with Jennifer Lawrence taking over the role from Rebecca Romijn who originated it in the original films.

This one being a prequel, they went with a younger actress.

And interesting thing about this is not every movie that uses prosthetics uses full heads or full bodies, so for Mystique, she really, well she's blue all over, a lot of these reptilian features are just individual pieces rather than her wearing a whole head mask.

So, in this case, for display, what was done was they took the original face pieces that were used in the film and put them on a bust to look like Jennifer Lawrence, made with some costuming it looks like the costuming she wore in the film, so they can display the film prosthetics in a way that really puts them into the proper context because a lot of times if you get these kinds of prosthetics, as a collector in the after-market, they're stretched on a piece of plastic, maybe some kind of foam mold if you're lucky.

They don't necessarily display well, so this is a really artistic way to display something that was meant to really just be like a little cheek, a forehead piece that would be used on somebody rather than a whole head.

- Right, and so that really allows her to act more in the film, to be more expressive in the film than it would've been if she was covered in the makeup.

- Right.

She still has pretty much full facial mobility.

She's wearing contacts, but her eyes, she's able to still emote and express a little more than you would be say if you had a Mexican wrestler mask over your head.

- Exactly, exactly.

It's not as easy as it looks.

- So, we talked about the X-Men earlier.

We talked about the animated series and how influential that was.

This film really was a game-changer for the X-Men franchise as well.

- Very much.

So, this was after three X-Men films plus a Wolverine origins film that was-- - Oof, let's not talk about that.

- Yeah, that might be on Nightmare Theatre eventually.

- Eventually.

- This was kind of the restart of the X-Men franchise to relaunch them.

It was a story set in the 1960s.

Kind of an origin story of how the X-Men came to be.

- [El Sapo] Bunch of hippies back then.

- And how Professor X and Magneto went from friends to enemies.

And the gathering of, what in the films, was the first X-Men team.

Very different than the first comics X-Men team.

- Yes.

- But still using a lot of iconic characters and bringing back a few of the characters that we'd seen in the original X-Men films, but as younger versions of themselves.

So you had Jennifer Lawrence take Rebecca Romijn's place.

You had Michael Fassbender take Sir Ian McKellen's place.

And you had James McAvoy take Patrick Stewart's place.

- So one of the things that you can notice is that the films, although they take a lot of the stuff, and they create something that approximates the comic books, they also make changes.

So, is that from a practical standpoint.

Is that a director's decision?

Is that a writer's decision?

- It can vary.

In the case of Mystique, the character has definitely changed a lot form the original comics because the character in the comics is a pretty unrepentant villain, whereas Mystique in the films has been a more tragic figure and a more heroic figure.

She now has a history in the films of having grown up with Charles Xavier and having been an X-Man, which she has been at various times in the comics, but that was more by force than it was by any intent of wanting to do good.

- Yeah, she's not the best person.

- No.

- And of course we, no spoilers, but it's a really old film now.

She does take that path towards the dark side there towards the end of everything.

Well, again, thank you, Curator, for bringing us a great piece like this.

And why don't you folks get back to the movie here on Nightmare Theatre.

(gasping) ♪ Oh I hate the ground you walk on little darling ♪ ♪ For all the things that you had did to me ♪ ♪ Oh you nagged me till you're hoarse ♪ ♪ So I'm suing for divorce ♪ Little darling I'll forget your memory ♪ (laughing) (muttering) Good.

(train horn blowing) Come on, Patsy Belle!

Let's go!

(train horn blowing) (hissing) (hissing) (suspenseful orchestral music) (hissing) (hissing) (hissing) (hissing) (hissing) (train crashing) (all screaming) (all screaming) - That's the same story a man down here told me.

Something real strange must have happened down there.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

He'll be handy if you want him.

Right.

Sit down, Harris.

- You be going down to the wreck, Sheriff?

- No, that's not my territory.

Headquarters already have a report.

The troopers will take care of that.

Harris, tell me again about the train wreck.

- Well, I was driving along quiet-like in my Model A.

Bought it in '32 for-- - Just a minute, just a minute.

I ask you what time it is, and you tell me how to build a clock.

Just the facts about the wreck.

- Well, I was driving along quiet-like, and-- - The wreck.

- Then I turned around and come back down here and told you about it.

- Give me your keys, Harris.

- Keys?

Car keys?

What for?

- For spinning a yarn like that and driving while drunk.

- I demand a soberty test.

- That does it.

Go lock yourself up.

- I demand a soberty test, 'cause I ain't been drinking.

At least not heavy.

Whatever you think's right.

Which way is the cell?

- This way.

- Well, you can't win 'em all, can you, Sheriff?

- You can call your wife if you want to, Harris.

- What?

She, are you crazy, Sheriff?

Whew!

(bluesy guitar music) - [Announcer] Tonight, on American Legends, we present “The Giant Gila Monster: Slitherin Into Sadness ”.

The true and sad story of a young lizard who grew up to be a B-movie icon.

A lizard who had it all, lost it all, and is now working to get it all back.

Born Kenny Gila in 1935 in Tupelo, Mississippi, the giant Gila monster grew up in abject poverty.

He dreamed of the big city, of a better life, of a better world, but he found nothing but sorrow and misery in the rural south in the 1930s.

Opportunities were limited for a lizard of his size and he knew his hope and salvation lay in Hollywood.

So, he set out West in hopes of finally making it big.

(light acoustic guitar music) Times were hard for the giant Gila monster.

He took whatever jobs he could find and attended acting classes at night.

But then fate, like a drunken fairy godmother, stepped in.

In 1958, he was working as a message deliver boy when he crashed his bicycle into a man walking down the street.

That man was Ray Kellogg.

Kellogg picked himself up off the street and was prepared to berate the person who crashed into him.

And that was when Kellogg saw the answer to his prayers.

For Kellogg had been writing the script of a movie about a giant Gila monster and, like a bomb dropped from the blue, a giant Gila monster crashed into him.

Kellogg signed him on the spot.

The film was a success.

Hollywood was the Gila monster's oyster.

But that oyster had no pearl, only an onion of misery.

After the success of the movie, the giant Gila monster could find no other A-list jobs.

He had been typecast.

His manager, Colonel Tom Parker got him roles on "F Troop" and "My Mother The Car", but the years were hard and the roles dried up.

In 1972, he auditioned for the role of Sonny Corleone in "The Godfather."

But he lost it to James Caan.

He sank deeper and deeper into drugs and alcohol.

(laughing) - You should've seen him during the '70s back at Studio 54.

I mean, technically he was still a celebrity, but he obviously on a long spiral down.

He was hanging out with Liza and Martin Scorsese and Halston, the designer, and it all seemed like it was gonna go on forever, but the '70s were coming to an end, the drug war had started, and giant Gila monster was about to get a little dose of reality.

- [Announcer] Thanks to the explosion of cable television in the early 1980s, his career enjoyed a brief resurgence when he was hired as a recurring guest on TNN's "Nashville Now."

- We hired him on "Nashville Now."

once as a favor to Sir Cecil Creape and he was the worst interview I've ever done.

He was slurring his speech, falling off his chair, just terrible.

One time he ran around the place and chased Laurie Ann Kirk all over Opryland.

- [Announcer] But his years of dissolute living had doomed his comeback almost from the start.

His failure was complete.

He hung around the LA comedy club scene, bumming drinks and cigarettes from his former fans, who had seen their stars rise as his plummeted to Earth.

One of those was comedian Jonah Ray.

- I just remember when we came across him, he just, he didn't seem like himself.

You know?

Like he just wasn't all there, like just, like a shadow of what, you know, he used to be.

And, man, he was such an inspiration to all of us.

And to see him like that, was such...

Sorry.

It was just really hard.

- [Announcer] But fate eventually smiled on him.

A dramatic intervention by his best friend, Larry Storch saved his life.

Clean and sober for the past 12 years, the giant Gila monster now owns and operates a chain of taco stands and VCR repair stores in Bangor, Maine.

His story is a remarkable one of fame and fortune, of joy and sadness, of hope and heartache.

But through it all, the young lizard from Tupelo kept his head up and all four feet on the ground.

He truly is an American Legend.

♪ My baby she rocks and rolls ♪ And rocks whenever she talks - Chase.

- Hey.

Gonna leave home?

- I'm going to spend the night with the Blackwells.

Mama said it was all right.

Will you take me over?

- Well, I don't know, Missy.

Gosh, that's two or three miles out of my way, and, oh, sure we will.

- Chase.

What in the world have you done to that car of yours?

- It's a new fuel mixture.

You like it?

- I just barely touch the gas pedal, and the back wheels started to spin.

Why, I was two blocks down the road before I even knew I'd left home.

- Come on, Mom.

I'm just trying to make a hotrodder out of you.

(phone ringing) I'll get it.

Hello?

Yeah, hello, Sheriff.

A what?

Book on reptiles?

Yeah, I guess I still have it around here somewhere.

Yeah, sure.

I have to take Missy over by the Blackwells.

I'll stop by on my way to pick up Lisa, okay?

- Well, now I'm gonna tell you something you don't know.

I've been talking to a zoologist.

And the Gila monster's size is controlled, like everything else, by a sort of a thyroid or pituitary gland.

Sometimes a change in diet can throw the balance all out of whack.

Either the cells break down too fast or build up too slow, and this upset makes either runts or giants out of them.

- Good, but what's that mean to me?

- I'm coming to that.

The zoologist also told me about a, a doctor just found a bone of some huge animals down in Tanganyika.

And the theory was that, uh, they lived in kind of river delta country, and certain salts had washed into the valley, been absorbed by the plants, and then transferred to the animal, causing them to be giant.

- Hm.

All right.

- Yeah, I know.

I probably sound a little bit like Harris, but let me tell the whole thing in my own words.

There was another report out of Russia or the Ukraine.

It was in the paper a couple of months ago, maybe you saw it, about a baby that weighed 130 pounds when it was 10 months old and was taller than its mother.

(whistling) - Grew up to be a giant.

- Yeah.

And that same thing could happen right here.

Did you see any footprints around any of those wrecks?

- No.

Gila monster footprints?

- Yeah.

A big one, about the size of a bus.

- Oh, come on.

Are you serious?

- Well, I don't know.

But Harris saw it, and some of the survivors of the train wreck saw it.

A giant lizard.

- Train wreck?

Where?

- [Sheriff] At the bridge over Wilson's Wash. - When?

- Tonight, about an hour ago.

The troopers were inclined to pass it off as shock or optical illusion.

And you can't always believe what Harris says.

- A Gila monster.

Pink and black stripes.

You know, I towed a guy in the other day and he said he'd been forced off the road by something like that.

I didn't believe him, because he'd been drinking.

And another thing.

When we were looking for Pat's car, we saw where something had been drug down the wash. You know, if they could have gotten that big, they could have knocked Mr. Compton's truck off that road.

Could have gotten him.

- I shouldn't have told you about this until after the party.

I just thought you'd want to know.

- Hadn't we better warn everybody?

- No.

It operates in and around the wash.

Troopers have got that staked off for a couple of miles.

Just keep it to yourself.

It might cause panic.

- Okay, Sheriff.

Whatever you say.

- Try and forget it for now and have some fun, will you, boy?

- Yeah.

(upbeat rock and roll music) (laughing) All right, hold it!

Hold it, all you jumping beans!

(all chattering) Now, I've got a surprise for you.

We got the king of the DJs!

(all chattering) Now, you've all heard him on his platter show on KILT.

That's right!

(cheering) - Okay, your old dad here has some small words and some great records.

I want you to have a ball tonight.

Let's begin with one of the top KILT survey songs.

What do you say?

Now, let's everybody dance.

Here we go.

Let's go, everybody.

(upbeat rock and roll music) - Now, do you mind telling me what this is all about?

- Have you been down to the train wreck?

- No.

- Well, I have.

I talked to a trooper about my son's car.

He said it shouldn't have been moved until a thorough investigation had been made, and it had been photographed.

This wasn't done, was it, Sheriff?

I thought not.

It was removed and clues lost without authority.

You didn't put that in your report, did you, Sheriff?

Of course you didn't, and I'll tell you why.

You were protecting that Chase Winstead, covering him regardless of the effect it might have on others.

- Chase was only trying to help.

He's your son's friend.

Probably the best one he ever had.

Of course it wasn't in the report.

What good would it do?

Any kid can make a mistake, Mr. Wheeler.

Even yours.

- But Sheriff, it's my son that's missing.

Let me ask you something else.

Have you heard the reports about a giant lizard?

Do you believe them?

- I don't know, Mr. Wheeler.

Doesn't seem possible.

- Well, why not?

There have been giants before.

- That's true.

But how could anything that big go unnoticed in this area?

- Have you ever walked the length of William's Wash?

- No.

- You know anybody that has?

- No.

- That area is so choked with underbrush it isn't even good hunting ground.

And I say it is possible for a giant lizard to have lived there for years without being seen.

Now, if that is the case, my son's dead.

So is Compton.

I can't blame you for what's happened to Pat, but Compton's death is on your hands.

- How did you come to that conclusion?

- I'll tell you how.

His truck was found only two miles beyond Pat's car.

And if you had investigated that area thoroughly, as you're paid to do, Compton might not have died.

Well?

Now, come out here.

I want to show you something else.

Now, something may have hit this car, but it didn't take the tires off.

And where did those new white side walls on Chase Winstead's hot rod come from?

- Here, I guess.

There was a towing charge against this-- - He presumed the bill wouldn't be paid, so he borrowed the tires in the meantime.

- Perhaps.

- That's thievery, destroying evidence, and obstructing justice.

Now, your last official act of office will be to arrest that boy and bring him in, and I'll go along to make sure that it's done.

(dramatic music) - Hello and welcome back to Nightmare Theatre.

I have to admit something to you folks.

I am secretly rooting for the giant Gila monster.

I hope he eats every last one of these people.

Well maybe except old man Harris.

He reminds me of someone I used to know.

What do you think of old man Harris, Sapo.

- I don't know, boss, but hey, let me ask you something.

Do you like to dance?

- You no good and well that I don't.

- Oh, sure you do.

Everyone does.

And you know who especially likes to dance?

- Crazy people, lunatics?

- The teens, boss, the teens.

And as you know, I self-identify with the teens.

I speak their language, daddy-o, and I wanna connect with them on an even deeper level.

So, Mittens and I have gotten together and decided to host a platter party right here in the studio.

- That's not gonna happen.

- Oh, sure it is, boss.

Say, cat and kittens out there, do you wanna do the dance that's sweeping the nation, that causes your parents' frustration, that leads to constipation and the dance that defies explanation and leads to sadness and indignations?

Well, kick off your shoes and throw 'em out the window, grandma.

It's time to do the Gila.

- The Gila?

- Yes, it's a dance Mittens came up with based on tonight's movie.

Would you like to see it, boss?

- No.

(sighing) Oh, yeah, that's gonna pack 'em in down at the malls, soda shops, sock hops, and probably outpatient substance abuse clinics.

- Don't judge it yet.

You can't do the Gila without some good tunes, so your old pal, Soft-Serve Sapo and his friend Muddy-Paws Mittens are about to throw a platter party just for you!

Yes, all of today's hottest sounds!

- Sapo, you can not play any popular music on the show.

The music is copyrighted and we're gonna get sued.

- Are you serious?

- Yes, of course.

Artists would expect to get paid when you play their music and some cases each time you play their music.

- Oh no.

- In some cases even after the singer has died you have to pay someone to play the music.

- Well, come on, there must be some music we can use that has fallen out of copyright.

- Well, sure.

Legally I suppose you can music that's in what's called the public domain.

- Then that is what we will use.

Kids, get ready to let the music take you to the land of rhythm and pleasure!

So, cue up that public domain music and let's dance.

(quirky instrumental music) - All right, all right, all right, that's enough.

That's enough of that.

The platter party is over!

Stop that horrible music right now.

- [El Sapo] Oh, come on, dad, don't be a square!

- I'm not your dad, El Sapo, and I have the test results to prove it.

No more music!

Stop the dancing!

(record scratching) - Hey, we can do the Gila without music.

The rhythm has got us, boss!

(sighing) - Stop now or I'm gonna turn the hose on both of ya.

Let's just get back to the film.

Oh, God.

(upbeat rock and roll music) - Hey, kids, a fella dropped in over at KILT the other day and played me a great new song.

I thought it was just fine.

I want to play it for you.

We got a little pickup, uh, group together and cut a demo disc on it.

I want to play it for you now and see what you think about it.

By the way, the first person who identifies the singer on the record gets two free rides on my elephant in Bangkok, Siam.

(all laughing) But you've gotta pay your own way over there and back.

(all chattering) Okay, here it is now.

See what you think of it.

♪ I made her promise not to stay ♪ ♪ And then I made a better way - Hey, great.

♪ No then I made a better way ♪ But it still my heart desire ♪ Well I can give you golden fire ♪ ♪ Yes, your golden fire (all chattering) - Don't get your tar and feathers yet.

I'm gonna play the rest of it.

How do you like it?

- [All] Good.

- Okay, who was the singer?

- Elvis.

- One of the Everlys.

- Bill Darnell.

- Kate Smith!

- Very funny, but you lose.

Look, the same guy you hear singing on the record also wrote the song.

Now, now, who is it?

Does anybody know?

(all chattering) Okay, okay, okay.

It's going to come out on records in a couple of months, and you can find his name on the label.

(all chattering) - I know who it is!

(all chattering) - Who is it, Lisa?

Come on, tell us?

- Chase did it!

(all chattering) - You did it, Chase?

- Why didn't you say something?

- You didn't tell us.

- Well, I didn't know if it was anything I'd want to admit to.

(all chattering) - Come on up here, boy.

(all applauding) Okay, hold it, hold it.

Quiet, everybody.

Also, over at the station the other day, Chase played me another little song.

It's kind of different from this one, but I imagine with a little coaxing, you know, by hitting your hands together like this, he might give you a little preview of it.

What do you say?

(all applauding) (ukulele music) ♪ And the Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ (hissing) (suspenseful orchestral music) (hissing) (hissing) ♪ And the Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh, laugh, laugh ♪ ♪ And the Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh, children ♪ - Just a minute.

♪ The Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh, laugh, laugh ♪ ♪ And the Lord, He said, I've created for you ♪ ♪ A world of joy from out of the blue ♪ (crashing) (screaming) (suspenseful orchestral music) No, don't panic!

(screaming) (screaming) (gun firing) (hissing) (gun firing) (gun firing) (hissing) (gun firing) What'll it take to stop that thing?

- I don't know, but I'm going down to the train wreck to get some troopers.

If we pump enough lead into that thing, we may hit a vulnerable spot.

Wheeler, you're gonna have to give me a hand.

- But how?

- Keep these kids here.

I don't want anybody roaming around.

- Where are we going?

- Storage shed.

I've got an idea that might work.

- You been after this.

Now you've got it.

You're deputized.

Listen, kids.

Wheeler's my deputy.

You'll take your orders from him.

Arrest anybody that tries to get away.

(upbeat jazz music) - Sheriff says this is the place to stay.

- But we're not staying here.

- That's right.

- I'll have to arrest anyone that leaves.

(all chattering) - Now, you take these keys and wait inside the office until I get back.

(suspenseful orchestral music) I told you to wait inside!

Why don't you do what I tell you?

I haven't got much time.

- You're not going to leave me, Chase.

I'm going to help.

- You know what's in here?

Nitroglycerin.

Enough to blow up half this town.

- It doesn't matter.

I'm still going to help.

- All right.

Now, take these, hold them, and don't let them bump.

And for heaven's sakes, don't drop them.

Now, hold those.

(tires screeching) - Boy, he went through here, all right.

Now, they generally travel in a straight line.

Good Lord, he's hit the Blackwell home!

That's where Missy is!

Mrs. Blackwell!

Missy!

Mrs. Blackwell!

Missy!

Hang onto that nitro!

We're cutting across!

(siren wailing) (upbeat jazz music) Keep that stuff still.

Do you want to blow us up?

There they are!

- [Lisa] There is Missy!

- Missy!

It's all right, Missy!

It's all right!

Lisa, get Missy and hold her down, and both of you, lie flat!

(tires screeching) (hissing) (hissing) (explosion booming) (sirens wailing) - Are you all right?

- I was scared, Chase.

- That's okay, honey.

- I tore my new dress.

- Oh, we can you a new dress.

- 100 dresses.

- Everybody all right?

- Yeah.

- On the way back, we picked up his trail.

Followed him across country.

(mysterious orchestral music) What did you hit him with?

- My brand new 100% completed hot rod.

- You'd have had to start in the next county to get up enough momentum to do that to him.

- Not with four quarts of nitroglycerin riding with you.

- You rode across that rough field carrying nitro?

- Yes, sir.

- You know what could have happened to you?

- It did.

I lost my car.

- Oh, don't worry about that.

Railroad'll be glad to buy you a new one.

(light orchestral music) - Did you see me run, Chase?

Did you see it?

- I sure did, Missy.

You were really traveling?

(upbeat jazz music) - I thought I told you to keep those kids up at the barn.

- Well, uh, how do you arrest a bunch of kids going in all different directions?

- Do you realize what would have happened if that thing had turned back?

- Same thing that happened to Pat.

Sheriff, your job is a much bigger one than I thought.

Since Compton's gone, I guess Chase is out of a job.

- That's right.

- Would you make it a point to have the boy come around and see me in the morning?

- I'll bring him around in the morning.

- Hello and welcome back.

Boy, that was some ending.

Chase blew up his car, he killed the lizard, and it looks like he got a new job working for that old crab.

- And we saw the nitro again.

Kellogg read Chekhov after all.

- Yeah, right, but so much of the story was unanswered.

What happened to old man Harris?

What is in the suitcase they found on the side of the road?

Why would the railroad buy Chase a new car?

- You had me there, boss, but I am just glad for one thing.

- What's that?

- Chase Winstead lived.

That man has made a definite impact on me.

His words have gotten into my soul, my heart, and I'm gonna shout his message from the rooftop.

♪ The Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh, children, laugh ♪ ♪ The Lord said laugh -- - Stop, just stop, Just stop!

Come on, dude, you gotta stop this!

We can't, no, no!

Mittens, make him shut up.

I'm gonna kill these two, folks.

Folks, just take a look at what we're gonna show next week while I get him to shut up.

(suspenseful orchestral music) - I wont say anything!

(man screams) (police whistle) -[Announcer] Every morning, the police discover a new victim.

- Whos the dead man?

The crime wave continues, and Scotland Yard combs the harbor in search of the madman.

Where is he?

Who is he?

(car door bangs) -The gang calls itself that because they pull their crimes in the middle of the night.

- Watch it, it's hot!

Very hot!

- -[Announcer] Fear reigns!

- Help, help!

-[Announcer] Danger lurks everywhere!

(woman screams) -[Announcer] And the police are powerless!

- Terror grips another victim!

(woman screams) - [Announcer] And another!

And still another!

- Now you can laugh, children.

Join us next time.

Until then, may all your dreams be nightmares.

(upbeat rockabilly music) (thunder crashing)