The Last Man On Earth

(thunder rumbles) (uptempo rock music) ♪ One day the devil came to him ♪ ♪ For he was a minor demon ♪ Asked him to torture some humans ♪ ♪ With his two friends in tow ♪ Mittens and El Sapo ♪ The Baron Mondo Von Doren ♪ On Nightmare Theatre - Listen, I don't care what El Sapo told you, Edith Piaf can go jump in a lake and she can take Ella Fitzgerald with her.

The greatest female vocalist in history is Juice Newton.

Every note is like an angelic chorus.

Every song is better than the one before.

To this day, when I hear "Angel of the Morning."

♪ And if we're victims of the night ♪ ♪ I won't be blinded by the light ♪ Excuse me, it's just, it's just so beautiful.

We're on.

Hello, my friends, and welcome once again to Nightmare Theatre.

I am, as always, your host the Baron Mondo von Doren, and with me as always is Mittens the werewolf, and we were just discussing the greatest talents of all time as we wait, once again, for the least talented man of all time, El Sapo de Tempesto, to arrive with tonight's movie.

I'm not sure where he could be-- - Hey boss, hey Mittens, how are you boys doin'?

Let me tell ya somethin', people are crazy, they're like wild animals.

- Well, you fit right in, don't you.

- [El Sapo] What, whaddya mean by that?

- Nevermind.

I don't suppose you have a movie, do ya?

- You see, I was down at the supermarket grand opening stuffing my face full of samples.

Boy, I wish you guys could've tried that new canned ham.

After a while, it got too crowded to move.

Too many folks like me filling up on spray cheese and Vi-enny sausages.

But while I was makin' my way out of the place, I saw this film can in another guy's cart, so I lifted it.

Can you show it while I run and get a film?

- Sure.

- I guess we should expect this by now.

Just watch whatever this is while he seeks out a movie.

I apologize in advance.

Lord knows what it could be.

It could be the Zapruder film, it might be some guy's vacation to Tahiti.

Let's find out together.

(dramatic orchestral music) (man whooshing) (midtempo orchestral music) (rocks clattering) - [Ted] Maybe we can get out along that side.

- [Cody] But what about that tank?

- [Ted] We may be able to take care of it.

Let's try this one.

(machine whirring) - [Man] That will finish them.

- [Cody] Give me a hand grenade.

(suspenseful orchestral music) (grenade booms) - [Man] They must've gotten out.

Let's move out of here.

(vehicle rumbles) - [Cody] That does it, Ted.

Let's get back to the rocket ship.

Too bad you lost that ray gun.

We'll have a tough time getting another one now.

- We haven't a chance of getting one.

We couldn't possibly attack their city with any of our weapons.

- That isn't the worst of it.

They've already tracked us halfway to the ship so they know about where we are.

It's only a question of time until they find us.

- One blast from that ray gun'll pop this ship like a toy balloon.

- Maybe we'd better get back to Earth.

- I think so.

We've accomplished the most important part of our mission.

We discovered that Retik is planning to lead an invasion from the moon as soon as his saboteurs finish softening up our defenses.

And it's up to us to get that information back to Earth.

How soon can we take off?

- Well, I've gotta build up the pressure in all the tanks and warm up the jets.

Maybe a couple hours.

- Then get started.

I'll fly out and scout around until you're ready.

(suspenseful orchestral music) - Scout Seven reporting to headquarters.

Scout Seven reporting to headquarters.

- Come in.

- I've found the Earth mans' rocket ship, Your Excellency.

It's in a canyon only about a mile west of where our scout car was attacked.

- Splendid.

I'll send another car out after it at once.

Stay there and keep watch.

- [Scout Seven] Yes, sir.

(dramatic orchestral music) (Cody whooshing) (hits thudding) (Scout Seven thuds) (Cody whooshes) - Scout's found our ship!

I took care of him, but I'm afraid he'd already reported us.

How much longer before we can take off?

- [Hank] One of those tanks is headed this way.

- How about it, Hank?

- I won't guarantee the results, we but can try.

Here goes.

All jets.

(jets hissing) (vehicle rumbling) (weapon fires) Signal that induction valve!

(rocket hissing) Protect the other compartments.

- Right.

(suspenseful music) (weapon fires) - Well, that one barely reached us.

Looks like we're in the clear.

- Things are sort of messed up in there, but nothing serious.

- Okay, Hank, you can start for the Earth now.

- Very well.

Patrol car reported that the space ship has escaped.

- Ship must not be allowed to land on Earth.

(machine whirs) Retik to Krog.

Retik to Krog.

- Come in, Retik.

- Commando Cody's rocket ship has escaped and is headed back to Earth.

He has all the information about our planned invasion and must not be allowed to tell it to the authorities.

That ship must be destroyed before anyone can get out of it.

- Yes, Your Excellency.

You heard the orders.

- Yeah, but it might not be that easy.

There may be guards and the landing field.

- Nevertheless, you will carry out instructions.

I will furnish you with a bomb.

You can devise some means for placing it under the ship the moment it lands.

- How do know when they'll get here?

- I'll pick up their approach on my radar, so you can be in position when they land.

(gentle orchestral music) - Just like we figured.

- Yes.

Got to blast 'em.

Then plant the bomb before anyone can get outta the ship.

- There she comes.

- Calling landing field, calling landing field.

- Landing field to rocket, come in.

- We're coming down, field clear?

- Yes sir, we're all ready for you.

(rocket whirring) - You take the one on the right.

(guns firing) (rocket hissing) (guns firing) (bullet whizzing) - Let's get over to the car.

(guns firing) - We'll never make it out.

Let's get outta here.

(suspenseful music) (engine revs) - They're takin' off in a car.

I'll grab them, you guard the ship.

(engine revs) (tires screeching) - He's hangin' onto us, give it all you can!

Stop on that bridge.

(tires screech) (tires screech) (bomb hisses) (explosion booms) (triumphant orchestral music) - Well folks, I guess another apology's in order.

That was Chapter Three of Radar Men From the Moon, the Bridge to Death.

I wonder what the Vegas odds are on whether or not that bridge actually led that guy to death.

I think a better title would be Bridge to Minor Injury or Bridge to Slightly Scuffed Shoes.

Plug your ears if you don't wanna hear any spoilers, I bet he jumped out at the last minute.

Any takers on that bet?

Of course not.

El Sapo has to be here any moment with a movie, at least that's what it says here on the teleprompter.

(El Sapo hissing) - [El Sapo] Hey boss, hey Mittens, here I am, fellas.

- [Mondo] Jumpin' Jehosaphat, what are you wearing?

- Well, I'm almost done with my rocket pack.

Soon I'll be able to soar through the air just like Sargent Baggy Pants in the serial.

I'll fight armies of bad guys, I'll deliver groceries, I'll save the very planet.

- You look like a store brand Inspector Gadget.

Are you really gonna try to build one of those things?

Do you have any background in physics or flight dynamics?

- Well no, but I did watch a whole lot of Mr. Wizard and Julia Child on TV when I was a kid, and I bet I can use my brain to figure it out.

- Please, just do me a favor and record your maiden voyage.

- Done.

- And please make sure I'm still the beneficiary on your life insurance policy.

Now, let me ask you something Ice Man, did you find a movie for tonight?

- As luck would have it, I did.

Check this out, boss.

- Oh, The Last Man on Earth, you may have done right by us this time.

Wait, what version is this, though, 'cause there are about a hundred movies with this title, there was even a TV show at one point.

- I think this might be the one with that guy you like, you know, that weird guy with the thin little mustache, Kenny Creepington, Jimmy McScary, Vincent Price, or something like that.

- Jackpot, for once, Sapo, you did manage to find a worthy film.

This is the 1964 version directed by Italian film maker Ubaldo Ragona.

- (laughing) Now, that's a name you made up right there on the spot.

- No, he was Italian, Sapo.

- Sure Boss, whatever you say.

Hey, what did you mean when you said there were many versions of this?

- Well, the original source material was Richard Matheson's book, I Am Legend, I happen to have a copy of it here in my jacket, I keep it on my at all times.

- Convenient.

- Yeah, but over the years, there've been quite a few films based on this novel, from Charleton Heston's The Omega Man in 1971 to Will Smith's I Am Legend in 2007, and the central idea's been used over and over again, even The Simpsons did a parody version of it.

This version is an admirable attempt.

Not perfect, but not horrible in the way that we normally get stuck with.

Thinking back, there was something about it I didn't like, but I just can't remember what it was.

- Well, tell me more about this Matheson guy, and maybe that'll help you think.

- Well.

Matheson was a talented an prolific writer in both print and for the screen.

He wrote The Incredible Shrinking Man, 16 episodes of The Twilight Zone, and the 1972 movie The Night Stalker which introduced the world to the classic character Carl Kolchak.

Then again, he also wrote Jaws 3D, so I guess nobody's perfect.

- And he wrote this particular movie.

- Well, sort of, he wrote the source material and collaborated on the script, but he wasn't happy with the end result, so he asked to be credited as Logan Swanson.

- Oh, I know about that, I have many aliases myself.

Ralph Peterson, Sir Reginald Panzington, and Delores Witherspoon, all ready in case I embarrass myself and I need a fake name.

- Embarrass yourself?

Then you're definitely gonna need some fake names one day.

- Wait a minute, let's get back to this.

I thought you said you liked the film.

Why would Matheson take his name off it?

- Well, while Matheson was a fan of Price, he felt he was all wrong for this role, and he also didn't like the film's direction.

Hm, wait a minute, I know there's something in the back of my mind that sticks out about this film.

Oh well, maybe as we're watching it, it'll come to me.

All in all, however, I really do like this film with the challenge of a low budget, it still manages to deliver a coherent and compelling story.

It's even influential.

George Romero said it laid the groundwork for his classic film Night of the Living Dead.

So folks, sit back, relax as we present 1964's The Last Man on Earth here on Nightmare Theatre.

(eerie instrumental music) (alarm ringing) - Another day to live through, better get started.

(dramatic orchestral music) December 1965.

Is that all it has been since I inherited the world?

Only three years.

It seems like a hundred million.

(dramatic orchestral music) (door thuds) (machine humming) Yeah, I own the world.

An empty, dead, silent world.

More of them for the pit.

Every day there are more of them.

They live off the weak ones and leave them for the pit.

KOKW calling, come in.

(radio whining) KOKW calling.

I'm on international frequency.

Come in.

(radio whining) (gentle orchestral music) They can't bear to see their image.

It repels them.

I need more mirrors.

And this garlic's lost its pungency.

There was a time when eating was pleasurable.

Now it bores me, just fuel for survival.

I'll settle for coffee and orange juice this morning.

But first there is my life to consider.

I'd better replace that garlic.

I'll need more, lots more.

Better stop off and get 'em.

(cabinet thuds) (object thuds) I can't afford the luxury of anger.

Anger can make me vulnerable.

It can destroy my reason, and reason is the only advantage I have over them.

I've got to find where they hide during the day, uncover every one of them.

Now, where did I finish off yesterday?

Madison Street to 31st Avenue.

11 kills over three years.

And there's more than half the city I haven't searched.

(machine whirs) They are perfect.

Just wide enough to keep the flesh apart, so their body seal can't function.

How many more of these will I have to make before they're all destroyed?

They want my blood.

It's their lives or mine.

I still get squeamish.

(suspenseful music) Wait, that garlic.

I better put it back where it belongs.

I can't live a heartbeat away from hell and forget it.

(door thuds) I'm out of gas.

That means one more stop I'll have to make.

I can get rid of them later.

Right now, I'm outta gas.

(door thuds) (dramatic orchestral music) (explosion booms) (machine whirring) They're still fresh.

But I'll take only what I need.

They've gotta last.

They can wait, too.

I've got my life to worry about.

Those mirrors have to be replaced before dark.

Four square blocks to search.

How many of them still exist?

How long will I have to keep up this search?

(glass clatters) (woman gasps) (man yelps) (man groans) I haven't much time left.

It'll be dark in an hour.

- Hello, and welcome back.

We hope you're enjoying The Last Man on Earth.

- I'm not too sure about this film so far, boss.

It looks like it's just an old man walking around and muttering to himself, picking at dead bodies.

I can see that any old time around here.

- Keep interrupting me, and there's gonna be another dead body around here.

So what do you think of the film?

- It's okay, I guess.

But I just realized something about it.

Can you imagine how horrible it would be if you were the last man on Earth?

- If I were the last man on Earth?

I don't think it would bother me one bit.

- [El Sapo] Whaddya mean?

- I mean, I'd be fine, I'd have no problem whatsoever being alone.

I could come and go as I please, I wouldn't have to listen to you prattle on, I wouldn't have to sidestep Mittens's hairballs when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night or hear his snoring.

And you know how he screams in his sleep.

I enjoy solitude.

- But, but, who would make your morning tea?

- I'd make it myself.

- Well well, who would darn your socks and press your jammies?

- I'd do it myself.

- Ah, well how 'bout this?

Who will bring in your chewed up morning papers?

Mittens loves doing that.

- There won't be a paper, dummy.

I'll be the only person left.

- So you wouldn't get all lonely and miss us even little bit?

- No, of course not.

I'd be free.

Now, let's get back to our discussion.

I'm a big fan of the apocalyptic plague genre in both film and literature.

The concept of some triggering event causing the elimination or zombification of vast stretches of the population is extremely popular, from the aforementioned Romero films to films like The Andromeda Strain, 12 Monkeys, 28 Days Later, and the 300 or so Resident Evil films made in the past few years.

I enjoy those movies, even the bad ones.

Anything that wipes out vast stretches of annoying people is fine with me.

Thanos really should've snapped twice.

I'd love to be the last man on Earth.

- Oh, you don't mean that, boss.

You know you'd get lonely all alone.

- [Mondo] Nope.

- So there's not even one thing you would miss about having me and Mittens around?

Not even one?

- Not really, well, I mean, I guess I'd miss Mittens, but every man needs a companion animal.

- What about me?

Wouldn't you miss me just a teensy weensy little bit?

- [Mondo] No, no, no.

- All right, answer me this, doctor.

What if you get sick and need another one of my kidneys?

The last one I gave you seems to be working, and Mittens, he's probably good for a lung or two.

- Well, I guess you got me there.

I mean, I will need you around if only for spare parts.

Why don't you guys get back to The Last Man On Earth starring Vincent Price while I start an inventory on what viable organs I can scrounge off El Sapo.

Obviously, the brain and liver are off the list.

- [Robert Voiceover] And now, 12 long hours before the sun will rise and drive them back to darkness.

(lively jazz music) - Morgan, come out!

(bat thudding) Come out!

(objects clattering) (bottle clatters) (bat thudding) Morgan, come out.

Come out.

(boards thudding) (record player ticking) - [Virginia] Robert, I can't see!

I can't see!

No!

- Another day.

Another day to start all over again.

(boards clatter) (machine whirring) (suspenseful orchestral music) Virge.

Virge.

God, how I miss you.

The sun's already set.

They'll be everywhere!

(dramatic orchestral music) ♪ Ooh ♪ Ah, ah ♪ Ah, ah ♪ Ah, ah (engine rumbles) (suspenseful music) (boards thudding) - [Ben] It's Morgan, get him.

(engine rumbles) (man groans) (board thuds) (door thudding) - Ow, ow!

♪ Ah, ah ♪ Ah, ah - [Ben] Do you hear?

Morgan?

(boards thudding) - Welcome back, see, I told you folks, this film is actually pretty good.

You can almost Vincent Price's inner pain and torment, his sadness, his abject loneliness, which is a mystery to me because I'd have been fine without the annoyances of other people.

Price is certainly a great actor.

I'm not sure what Matheson's issue with him might've been.

Are you enjoying Price's performance, Sapo?

Uh, Sapo, I said, "Are you enjoying the film?"

- Oh, what?

I'm sorry, boss, I wasn't listening.

You know, it's probably nothin'.

Kinda funny, actually, but to be honest, I'm just a little bit concerned.

- Over what?

- Well, you know both canned hams and ham radio are hobbies of mine?

And it turns out those two things aren't related like I thought they were when I got into this, but that's another story.

- What are you babbling about?

- I've been trying to contact folks on my radio, it's sort of a hobby of mine, like Mittens and knitting, but I can't raise anyone, anywhere.

Channel Z's off the air, nothing on either the three or 20 meter bands, nothing on either the AM or FM bands, Mohammed's radio isn't isn't even broadcasting.

No one is, it's like, oh my gosh.

- Okay, what is it now, Sapo?

- Don't you get it?

No one is out there!

This can only mean one thing!

We are the last people on Earth, you and me and Mittens, we are the last men on Earth!

- And, we're off, here comes the inevitable overreaction.

- This is no laughing matter, boss.

We are alone, adrift, what are we gonna do?

- Sapo, your paranoia's really getting to you.

We're not the last people on Earth.

You're just letting the movie get to you again, like the time we saw Sea Biscuit and you were convinced that you should become a jockey.

- I was right then, and I am right now, I am telling you, boss, we are the last people on Earth.

No one is out there!

- Listen, just calm down.

We are not the last people on Earth.

Folks, there's no reasoning with him when he gets like this, so why don't you get back to The Last Man On Earth while I try to calm him down.

- Who are you talking to?

There's no one out there!

Game over, man, game over!

(gentle orchestral music) (Morgan laughing) (boards thumping) (Morgan sobbing) - [Ben] Morgan.

(boards thumping) Do you hear, Morgan?

Morgan.

(boards thumping) Do you hear, Morgan?

- Three years.

Three years.

(gentle orchestral music) (children chattering playfully) - One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

- Hey, Virge, Virge?

- Yes?

Oh, no, my makeup, my hair!

(giggles) - [Ben] Hey, where is everybody?

All I can see is-- - Hi, Ben!

- Oh!

- [Ben] I can hear children, but I can't see any children.

- Uncle Ben!

Uncle Ben!

- Hey!

- Look at Uncle Ben!

- Kathy.

- Uncle Ben, Uncle Ben!

What did you bring me?

- Open 'em and see, open 'em and see.

- Come, come.

- Open them, Kathy.

(children chattering) - Take a look at this.

- It's highly theoretical, Ben.

- Theoretical?

Do I have to remind you that theory is the beginning of solution?

- "Is Europe's disease carried on the wind?"

Is it, Ben?

- It could be.

- And if it is?

- It isn't, Virge.

- Is that what you really think, or what you'd like to think, Robert?

- I, I cannot accept half-baked theories that sell newspapers.

I'm, I'm a scientist, not an alarmist.

- You're whistling past the graveyard.

- Is that a commentary on my work at the lab?

- We both know how hard you've worked.

- I'm sorry, Ben.

I just can't accept the idea of universal disease.

- Uncle Ben, you promised to show us card tricks.

- All right, Kathy.

Who can resist that face?

All right, card tricks, card tricks!

- Robert, is it possible this germ, or virus, could be airborne?

- Anything is possible, Virge.

The best brains in the world have been running through this thing with a fine-tooth comb.

The germ is visible under a microscope, but it's not like any bacilli I've ever known.

- In what way?

- It can't be destroyed by any process we've been able to uncover.

- But with the whole world trying, there must be a solution.

- Hey, Mommy!

Hey, Mommy, when are we gonna cut the cake?

- Right now our problem is to cut that cake.

- [Kathy] Hey, Mommy, hey, Mommy!

- Coming, coming!

(eerie orchestral music) (wind whistling) (Kathy whimpering) - The wind wake you up?

- It always does.

- How do you feel?

- I'm all right.

- Oh, don't get up, honey.

- I'm not sick, Bob, I'll make your breakfast-- - You don't have to.

- I'll be all right.

Go on and read your paper.

- All right.

(Virginia gasps) Oh, sweetheart, look, if you don't feel well, please go back to bed.

- I'm just a little tired, that's all.

I wish somebody would find a vaccine.

(Kathy wheezing) - It's all we're working on at the lab, Virge.

Maybe you better not send her to school today.

- All right.

Do you, do you think you should go to work?

- I have to.

- Bob, Bob.

Bob, I'm so frightened.

- Everything's gonna be all right, sweetheart.

(Kathy wheezing) - Hello, and welcome back.

As I noted earlier, this film is much better than most of the movies we bring you.

Actually, I think this movie could be viewed as an existential metaphor on man's abandon-- - There's no time for that intellectual meandering, boss!

We have to prepare for the future!

We are the last three left, the three of us!

We have to survive and repopulate the Earth!

- Now, you do see the problem there, don't you, Sapo?

- We'll jump that creek when we come to it.

Right now, we have to focus on surviving!

I have some food, some water, and I have one roll of toilet paper, so we're gonna have to make this last, and I have some weapons in case some mutants attack!

I have some spikes, I have a jar of garlic powder like he had in the movie, and I have this mallet!

- You really are a dullard, aren't ya?

- You won't be laughing when some zombie breaks in here and bites my arm off!

- Oh, if only.

- Boss, I'm serious, we have to prepare for a very dark future and an attack.

Why, any minute now, we could be besieged by some mutant!

- Excuse me, I have a message for a Barry, uh-- - A mutant from the forbidden, it's a mutant from the forbidden zone!

The time of tribulation is at hand!

I'll try, save this on for size!

I told you we were under attack!

He was an advanced scout!

- He was a delivery boy, you fool.

You just killed an innocent man!

- He was a mutant, and I could see it in his eyes!

- He was not!

Folks, I'm an accessory unless you patch this up!

You guys get back to the movie while I figure this out.

Good lord, Sapo!

- It was a mutant, I'm tellin' ya!

(birds chirping) - Well?

- The bacilli are multiplying.

- That kicks the bone marrow theory in the head.

- This specimen shows a higher white count than when I put it on the slide.

Those cells are still living, Dr. Mercer, off one another.

- There has to be an answer.

You heard that all communications are ended outside the continental limits?

- Yes, I heard.

- That leaves it in our laps, so we keep trying.

Where's Cortman?

- Well, he should be here by now.

- You two stay on this virus theory until I decide it's exhausted.

- Right.

- Yes, sir?

- Morgan will fill you in.

- All right, sir.

And what did the great man of science have to say today?

More of the usual?

- Oh, he's trying, Ben, just like the rest of us.

- And nothing works.

The streets are swarming with truckloads of bodies that they're throwing into that god-awful pit.

And the dedicated Dr. Mercer goes on with his plodding, unimaginative approach.

- You have a better idea?

- Maybe.

At least it involves imagination.

- Ben, it's as simple as this.

An unknown germ is being blown around the world.

It's highly contagious, and it's reached plague proportions.

- And you don't believe some of the dead have come back?

- Now, let's get to work.

- And why are they burning the bodies?

Why don't they bury them?

- Because it's the best known way to control the contagion, to keep the germ from spreading.

- That's what we've always believed, at any rate.

- You'd prefer us to believe in vampires?

- If they exist, yes.

There are stories being told, Bob.

- By people who are out of their minds with fear!

- Maybe, but there are too many to be just coincidental.

Stories about people who have died, and, and have come back.

- They're stories, Ben, stories.

- And why are the infected people always so tired in the daytime?

Why can't they stand the sunlight?

Why are they only seen at night?

- Come here.

Look.

- I know as well as-- - Look.

Now, is this bacilli or isn't it?

- It doesn't alter-- - And this bacilli is found in the blood of every infected person, or isn't it?

- To show me germs is not to refute these stories, Bob.

The point is, if there are vampires, they exist in spite of these germs.

- Come on, let's get to work.

(haunting orchestral music) - And until further notice, this station will continue its around-the-clock coverage of this national disaster.

And now we switch you to the state capitol where His Excellency, The Governor, is speaking from the executive mansion.

- Further, I have in conjunction with the federal government, declared this state to be a disaster area.

The public health is dependent on the bodies of the deceased being burned.

You must notify the health department immediately if you have a plague victim in your home.

Under no circumstances should you gather publicly.

In view of the dire emergency that exists.

- Anything new?

- Huh, no, nothing new.

Nothing.

(wind whistling) - Mommy, where are you?

Mommy, I can't see.

Mommy.

(Virginia sobs) - I'm going to call the doctor.

- I said no.

Virge, there's nothing they can do.

- But we can't just let her lie there.

- Well, this way she has a chance.

If you call a doctor, he'll report it.

Do you want that?

- Mommy, help me.

Mommy.

Mommy, please help me.

Mommy, help me.

- How can you be so sure she-- - Blindness is one of the symptoms.

You're not to call a doctor under any circumstances.

No one is to come into this house, now remember that.

- Mommy, Mommy.

Mommy, where are you?

- I've got to pick Ben Cortman up on the way to the, to the lab.

No one is to come into this house.

Now remember that!

(Virginia sobbing) (woman wailing) - No, no!

No, please!

(sobbing) No, please don't let him be buried with me!

Please, for God's sake.

Don't take him away like this!

You can't, you can't!

(sobbing) (door thuds) (wind whistling) - [Ben] Who's there?

- It's me, Ben.

We're late.

Ben, what's the matter with you?

- Nothing, and I'm going to keep it that way.

- Ben, look, let's talk about this.

- There's nothing to talk about.

You think I'm out of my mind.

You laughed at me and my theory.

You might be one of them.

- Ben, look, you're ill. you oughta see a doctor.

- No doctors.

You take care of your life, I'll take care of mine.

Now get away from here.

You understand, get away from here!

(door thuds) (somber orchestral music) (siren wailing) (suspenseful music) - If you're looking for anybody but me, forget it.

- [Robert] Are they all gone?

- That's right.

- Is there any hope from the latest reports?

- No, not yet.

But believe me, Morgan, we'll find an answer.

- When, doctor?

We need it right now, I need it!

- You're the only one who wasn't afraid to come here today.

- What's gonna happen, Dr. Mercer?

Is everybody in the world going to die before someone finds the answer?

- No, I don't think so.

I don't deny there's some strange evolutionary process going on, but mankind won't be destroyed.

The fact that you and I are working here today is evidence of that.

- Welcome back to Nightmare Theatre, I mean, we're all still in a state of shock here as El Sapo just killed an innocent delivery boy.

- He was a monster, you guys, you guys saw him!

He was going for my brain!

- We saw no such thing, and you aren't bringing me and Mittens down with you.

- Oh, we are all in this together!

- Nope.

- We are the last normal people on Earth, he was a mutant!

And watch, I still can't raise anyone on the radio!

- You know, let me ask you somethin', Sapo.

This is a really simple question.

- Right, okay.

- I know you've checked everything from shortwave to NORAD to the morning farm report, but did you make sure the radio was plugged in?

- Come on, boss.

What kind of idiot do you take me for?

Do you think I'd go to all this trouble if I didn't verify everything first?

See, the cord is most definitely... Oh, (giggles) is my face red!

It wasn't plugged in at all!

Well, whaddya know?

I can hear something now, I'm getting a signal.

Yes, caller number four will win tickets to, ooh, Leif Garret and Night Ranger!

That oughta be a good concert.

Hold on, hold on, there's something else.

Some late-breaking news.

Ooh.

- What was the news?

- Nah, it was just some crazy story about police and law enforcement actively searching for a missing telegram delivery boy.

- That's it, you've finally done it!

I've always said you'd wind up in prison!

- That's not true, boss.

You always said I'd wind up in the crazy house.

- Nevermind what I said, let's get back to the movie!

(gentle orchestral music) - [Soldier] All right, let's roll.

(engine rumbling) - When?

When?

I called a doctor, I had to.

- I told you not to call anyone!

- Bob, she was blind.

She couldn't see.

She kept reaching out her hands, and groping for me.

And all of a sudden, she was gone.

And they came, and I tried to stop them.

They took her.

- I saw a truck out there.

Was that it?

Was it?

- Yes.

(sobbing) (suspenseful orchestral music) - Please!

- I'm sorry, lady.

There's nothing I can do.

Let that truck through, get outta the way.

(siren wailing) Get back, folks.

Nobody's allowed out there.

Please, all of you, get behind those lines.

Look sharp there, move, move along.

Make way for that truck, make way.

Hey, you, mister, come back, come back!

(fire crackling) - Did this truck just come in from Market Street?

I said, did this truck just come in from Market Street?

- Mister, I don't know.

- [Soldier] Hey, you don't belong in here, get out.

I said get out!

- I want my daughter!

- [Soldier] Mister, a lot of daughters are in there, including my own.

(fire crackling) (wind whistling) - [Virginia] Bob!

Bob, I can't see!

I can't see!

Bob!

- Virge.

(somber orchestral music) Virge.

Oh.

(sighs) (wind whistling) No.

I won't let them put you there, Virge.

I promise.

I won't let them put you there.

(wind howling) (engine humming) (somber orchestral music) - [Woman] Let me in, let me in.

Let me in.

Let me in.

Let me in.

Let me in, let me in.

Let me in, let me in.

(doorknob rattles) - Who is it?

Who's there?

(doorknob rattles) (haunting orchestral music) - Robert.

Robert.

Robert.

Robert.

(boards thudding) - [Ben] Morgan.

We're going to kill you, Morgan.

Morgan, do you hear?

Morgan.

(objects clattering) Morgan.

Do you hear, Morgan?

Morgan.

Do you hear, Morgan?

(thunder rumbles) (uptempo rock music) - See, the Super Friends were given these weird electromagnetic-- - Magnets, right, magnets.

- Yeah, it was a magnet, but there was a buy named Dr. Shamon.

- What's in your head, zombie?

- And he had a giant magnet.

And it was called the Shamon-U.

- Zombie, Zombie, Zombie?

- Oh, I get it, I get it.

Oh, I know this guy, boss.

- This looks like your family reunion.

- [El Sapo] It does, my gosh.

- Anyway, welcome back to Nightmare Theatre, we are here once again in the sub, sub, sub, sub basement of the television station where the mysterious Curator from the Merrill movie Museum, and he's brought us what appear to be some not so handsome fellows to talk about tonight, so what do we have here, Curator?

- [El Sapo] Don't listen to him, he doesn't mean it.

- So since we have a zombie movie on the show to night, I thought it would be a good time to take a look at some zombies across movie history.

So we have a zombie from Wanted: Undead or Alive, kind of an obscure film, much better known film, Planet Terror by Robert Rodriguez, this was part of the Grindhouse double feature with Death Proof by Quentin Tarantino.

And then last but not least, this is a background zombie head from the Zack Snyder remake of George Romero's Dawn of the Dead.

So you can kinda see zombies can take many forms, they can have many looks, it depends on the mythology that's involved in the film.

Zombies come in all shapes and sizes.

- Yeah, and we've talked about some of that tonight was Richard Matheson who wrote a lot of things including this film, The Last Man on Earth, was based on one of his stories, which was again turned into a movie with Will Smith called I Am Legend, and these are kinda different take on zombies and a lot of things, you know, we had 28 Days Later, which is a whole nother take on zombies, as you said, Planet Terror was a completely different kind of zombie, but I think we can all agree that the sort of archetypal zombie that we think of in modern horror-- - [El Sapo] They're very ugly.

- Sapo, would be George Ramero's zombies that started in Night of the Living Dead, that film in 1968 which sort of established the rules that zombies were slow-moving, they ate human flesh, that they could only be killed by being struck in the head, and we sort of built on that over the years, and there's been raging debate in the horror community, which is so rare that there's a raging debate in the horror community, but are fast zombies better than slow zombies?

It's still out there, it's still up for debate, it still depends on how they're used in the films, so what kind of a spectrum are we seeing here?

- Well, with Planet Terror, the one in the center, that was kind of, there was a virus that literally turned people in to zombies, so it wasn't you get bit by one and then you create another one, that sort of thing.

It was literally a virus that would turn people, so it was a little bit different take, but they did still eat flesh, and they were zombies in every other way, so that's why you get this plague-ish look on this one with all the boils and bubbles.

- Almost Italian zombie looking in a lot of ways, which is a whole nother genre of film.

- Yeah.

- The Italians do a lot with zombies in the '70s, so.

- Dawn of the Dead being a Romero remake, that was very much more in the Romero tradition where there's just a huge horde of shambling zombies out to get everybody and they're holed up in a mall.

This particular zombie would've been a background guy, that's why he's a full, whole head, it's not a mask to go one somebody.

- [El Sapo] This is a mask.

- This one is a mask that would go on somebody, and this is, again, Robert Kurtzman, who's a very well-known effects artist actually directed this movie Wanted: Undead or Alive, and it's kind of a zombie Western pastiche.

- So these are all very fascinating masks, and of course, the background head, which this would've never been worn by somebody, this just would've been someone laying in a pile somewhere or something like that, correct?

- Yeah, and another thing that's interesting, a bit of trivia about this particular mask, the company that created this is run by Heather Langenkamp, who is herself a famous horror movie star from the Nightmare on Elm Street series.

- Absolutely, so thanks again for bringing us these amazing pieces tonight, and why don't you folks get back to The Last Man on Earth here on Nightmare Theatre.

(haunting orchestral music) (haunting orchestral music) - If Cortman thinks he can get to me by destroying my car, his wits are getting dull.

(object clatters) This convertible would be nice.

Probably handles well, but I can't think of comfort.

There was a time when I shopped for a car.

Now I'm looking for a hearse.

This station wagon will have to do.

(dog yelping) Alive.

It's alive!

Wait, don't run away!

Come back here!

Don't run away!

Come back!

Come back here!

Wherever he is, I've got to find him.

If I have to search every street, every house, every alley, every inch of this town, I've got to find him.

Come back!

Hey, boy, where are you?

(clapping) Where are you, pal, come here!

(somber orchestral music) They're dead.

They've been staked.

These are made of iron, not wood, like mine.

Someone else is alive in this world.

But where are they, where are they hiding?

How many are there?

Where did they come from?

Why haven't I seen them?

This is Robert Morgan.

If somebody can hear me, answer me.

For God's sake, answer me!

(radio whining) This is KOKW calling.

KOKW calling.

Answer me.

(radio whining) (dog whining) (gentle orchestral music) So you finally decided to come back.

It's all right, boy, good boy.

Oh, no.

Don't worry, boy.

You're gonna be all right, yes, you are.

There, now, we've got you all cleaned up, huh.

(chuckles) You're gonna feel better.

Gonna put you down here now, and you can rest, hm?

Got you all cleaned up.

(boards banging) Rest.

(dog barking) (board banging) (dog whining) You know they're out there, don't you?

You poor driven thing.

Everything's gonna be all right.

Nobody's going to hurt you.

Everything's gonna be all right.

All right.

You're going to get better.

We're going to have lots of happy times together.

You'll see, everything's going to be fine.

(dog whimpers) (Robert laughing) What's the use?

(shovel thudding) (suspenseful music) Wait, I'm not gonna hurt you.

Can't you understand?

Wait!

(suspenseful music) Wait.

I'm not going to hurt you.

Wait, wait, wait.

I couldn't be out here in the daylight if I was one of them.

You know that they can't come out until sundown.

Do you want to come with me, or do you want to face them?

- Did you see that?

The dog died, that's what it is about this film, that dog!

How did I even forget that?

New rule, we're not watching any more films where dogs die.

- What about Kujo?

Hew as dog, and he died in that movie, boss.

- Listen, he was misunderstood.

I refuse to watch any movie where a dog dies!

- I'm with you.

Maybe we oughta keep a list of movies where dogs die so we know which ones to never watch again.

- Well, that works for me, though I'm guessing you're gonna have to make that list from prison because you killed that delivery boy!

Wait a minute.

- Wait, wait, he's getting up.

I'm off the hook, boss, he's getting up!

- Oh, my head hurts, what happened to me?

- I think that werewolf over there hit you.

- (groans) Someone hit me all right.

Anyway, is there someone here by the name of Barry Van Doren?

- Not me, I'm Ralph Peterson.

See, I told you I'd need an alias, boss!

- I'm the Baron Mondo Von Doren.

- Telegram for you.

- Here you go.

- My head hurts.

- Well, thank you for that telegram, please move along and forget you were ever here, sir.

- Well, hey how about at least something for the effort.

- [El Sapo] No problem, here you go my good man, use it in good health.

- Let's see what this telegram has to say.

- [El Sapo] Ooh.

- Dear Barry, congratulations, you've won a year's supply of candied yams in the big supermarket opening sweepstakes.

- [El Sapo] Woo-hoo!

- Please provide us with your contact info and your address so we can drop of your 50 pallets, and thank you for entering.

- I forgot all about that, I put your name down in the big drawing boss, because I didn't want the authorities to find out where I was hiding.

- Perfect, just perfect.

I'll be getting robo-telegrams from now until the cows come home.

Folks, let's get back to the thrilling conclusion of Last Man on Earth, here on Nightmare Theatre.

- [El Sapo] Those yams are gonna be good.

- You feeling better?

- [Ruth] Yes.

- Would you like a cup of coffee?

- Thank you.

You seem very well organized here.

- Yeah.

- My name is Ruth Collins.

I was married.

I lost my husband.

You are alone?

You were married?

- Yes.

- Children?

- A daughter.

- What are you doing?

Please, stop, please!

Stop it, please!

You're making me sick.

- Why do you turn away?

- Please!

- Why do you turn away?

(Ruth coughing) You are infected.

- No!

- Infected systems are allergic to garlic.

- You think I'm one of them.

- You will be.

- You've made up your mind just because I-- - You can't change the facts by talking.

- Facts?

What facts?

That I got sick?

I've had a sensitive stomach all my life.

I saw my husband killed, torn to pieces right in front of our house.

I've been wandering ever since, hiding at night, not eating more than scraps, sick with mourning, sick with fear, unable to sleep.

Then you shout at me, you chase me across a field, hit me, drag me to this house, and to top it all, when I get sick because you shove a piece of reeking garlic in my face, you tell me I'm infected.

- Where are you going?

- Let me go.

- You can't go out there, it's almost sunset.

- [Ruth] Let me go, I said.

- You can't go out there now.

In a few minutes, the streets will be full of them.

- I don't care, let me go.

I don't care!

- At least let me give you a blood test.

- Don't touch me.

Don't touch me.

(boards clattering) - You know, you should eat.

- I can't.

You seem used to them.

- As much as anybody could be.

I'm not frightened of them anymore, if that's what you mean.

Oh, I protect myself against them, but only because there are so many.

Individually, they're weak, mentally incompetent, like animals after a long famine.

If they weren't, they surely would've found a way of breaking in here a long time ago.

(boards banging) - Come out, Morgan.

- Hear that?

That's Ben Cortman.

He was my friend.

- Your friend?

- He was like a kid brother.

If I could find him and destroy him.

- But you said he was your friend.

- When I find him, I'll drive a stake through him, just like all the others.

- But you lived through all this.

Do you know why?

- Perhaps I was chosen, hm.

That's a laugh.

Or perhaps it's because a long time ago, when I worked in Panama, I was bitten in my sleep by a bat.

My theory is that the, the bat had previously acquired the vampire germ.

By the time it entered my blood, it had been strained and weakened by the bat's system.

As a result, I have immunity.

Well, it's only a guess, but it's all I have to go on.

- You don't think that I'm immune, do you?

- It's a simple matter to find out whether you are or not.

(boards banging) - What will you do if I am infected?

Cure me?

You don't have to answer.

I know as well as you do, it's incurable.

- There might be a way.

If not of killing the germ, at least of containing it, keeping it from spreading.

If I had the equipment, the time.

- Which you don't.

(Ruth panting) (somber orchestral music) (Ruth coughing) (Ruth whimpering) (dramatic music) - You are one of them.

- I was, and without that injection, I'll be one again.

- What do you mean?

You found a solution?

- That's right.

Exactly as you said it could be.

I take that for it.

- What is it?

- Defibrinated blood, plus vaccine.

The blood feeds the germ.

The vaccine keeps it isolated and prevents it from multiplying.

We've had it for some time now.

- We?

We?

- There are quite a number of us.

- And I thought you were alone.

I was going to cure you.

Does that amuse you?

- No.

- Now, I want the truth.

I want all of it, why are you here?

- To find out if you know any more than we do.

You know far less.

We're alive.

Infected, yes, but alive.

We're going to reorganize society.

Do away with all those wretched creatures who are neither alive nor dead.

Start everything all over again.

- And you want me to join?

- You can't join us.

You're a monster to them.

Why do you think I ran when I saw you, even though I was assigned to spy on you?

Because I was so terrified of what I'd heard about you.

You're a legend in the city, living by day instead of night, leaving as evidence of your existence bloodless corpses.

Many of the people you destroyed were still alive.

Many of them were loved ones of the people in my group.

- I didn't know.

- Is there any way you can get out of here?

- What do you mean?

- They're coming after you tonight.

That's why I was sent here.

To prevent you from resisting them.

I'm supposed to keep you here until they come.

- To kill me?

- Yes.

- Your new society sounds charming.

- The beginning of any society is never charming or gentle.

- And you pretended to be shocked at my violence.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Why don't you go on and use it?

Get it over with, use it, get it over with!

(Ruth sobbing) - Now you know.

what are you going to do?

(Ruth whimpering) (eerie orchestral music) (boards banging) What are you doing?

- [Robert] It's already done.

- What?

- Look.

Look!

You see, it worked, Ruth.

The antibodies in my blood worked.

My blood has saved you, Ruth.

Do you know what this means?

You and I can save all the others.

We won't be alone, we'll never be alone again.

- You are sure?

- Wait.

Don't be afraid.

(Ruth sighs) (Ruth giggles) Where are you going?

- I have to get out of here, tell them you're not a threat to us.

- You can't go out there.

- You can save all of us.

- You can't get 10 feet!

- When they come, there won't be time for questions and answers.

They'll come to kill.

For God's sake, Robert, let me go!

Oh, Robert, please.

- Ruth, look, tomorrow.

- Please, oh, Robert.

- Tomorrow, Ruth.

Tomorrow will be all right.

- No.

Robert, no.

(somber orchestral music) - Robert.

- Yes, Ruth?

- What if this doesn't last?

- But it will.

I've already checked it under the microscope.

Wait, I'll show you.

I'll prove it to you, I'll check it again.

(mirror clatters) Ruth, just take a look at this.

This'll prove it to you.

Ruth, there's no change, I've double-checked.

- [Ruth] Robert!

- Ruth, Ruth!

- Robert!

- Ruth.

Get away from her!

Ruth, are you all right?

Are you all right?

(engine rumbles) - Run, Robert, Robert, run!

(gun firing) Robert, run!

They've come to kill you, Robert.

(suspenseful music) (men screaming) Run, run!

(man groans) (men groaning) (men groaning) - Up there!

(gun fires) (Ben screams) (Ben thuds) - There he is!

- Wait, you don't understand, Wait!

(men groaning) - Get him, get him!

(gun fires) (gun fires) (gun fires) (man groans) (gun fires) (glass clatters) - Stand back.

(gun fires) (gun fires) (explosion booms) (guns firing) (explosion booms) (men coughing) (explosion booms) (dramatic orchestral music) - [Man] There he is, in the church!

(explosions booming) Over there!

(people coughing) (Robert groaning) - Freaks!

All of you.

All of you, freaks, mutations!

(Robert groans) - Hold it!

- You're freaks!

I'm a man!

The Last Man.

- Robert!

- They were afraid of me.

They were afraid of me.

They were afraid of me.

- They didn't know.

(somber orchestral music) (baby crying) Don't cry.

You have nothing to cry about.

We're all safe now.

All safe.

(dramatic orchestral music) - Welcome back, what an ending to the film!

Poor Vincent Price dies, but at least that kid had hope for a better future, I mean, that's good, I guess, I don't know.

I'm still upset over the dog dying.

- Boss, you know, Mittens, I'd like to apologize for going off the deep end there.

I don't know what came over me, fellas.

- It's not your fault, El Sapo, you were born a dullard, and you'll remain a dullard.

The impending end of the world is as real to you as Santa Claus and the Easter bunny to a wide-eyed child.

- I appreciate you sayin' that there, boss.

- Okay, well, what do we have on tap for next week?

- We have this!

- [Narrator] Pounding across the motion picture screen comes the most terrifying monster of them all.

Gammera The Invincible.

Gammera, the super monster that even the H-bomb cannot destroy.

Gammera The Invincible.

- Attention everyone, take cover!

- [Narrator] Gammera, consuming raw, atomic power.

Power to destroy entire cities.

- [Man] Open fire!

- [Narrator] Man's most destructive weapons have no effect on Gammera The Invincible.

The mightiest nuclear weapons ever devised are powerless against Gammera The Invincible.

Is humanity doomed?

Will the world be destroyed?

The United Nations is called to emergency session in a last desperate effort to save the world.

- We have one plan that we think might work.

We have discussed Plan Z with the Japanese authorities and they agree it is the best of our alternative plans.

Is that correct, sir?

- That is so.

Plan Z is hope of the world.

(dramatic orchestral music) - [Narrator] A cast of thousands at the mercy of the most terrifying monster that ever lived.

Brian Donlevy as General Arnold.

- Gammera is beyond comprehension.

He must be stopped now.

- [Narrator] Albert Dekker as the secretary of defense.

Will Plan Z stop Gammera?

Gammera The Invincible.

- Well, it just gets worse and worse, doesn't it?

Well, tune in next week, folks, and may all your dreams be nightmares.

(thunder rumbles) (uptempo rock music)